THE ZOMBIE IDOL FINAL
VOTING IS NOW CLOSED. PLEASE RETURN AT 9 PM EST FOR THE ZOMBIE IDOL AWARD ANNOUNCEMENT.
They shambled in.
They showed their stuff.
Brains have been eaten.
We have bitten nails in nervous anticipation.
And now . . . now it is here. The ZOMBIE IDOL FINAL . . . the biggest awards for the undead in ALL OF HISTORY.
Many have come and many have tried, but there can only be one. And in the next 24 hours, that decision will be made. Zombie lovers everywhere are planting themselves in front of their computers, ready to vote. No one seemed to watch the Oscars last night, and is it any surprise? Everyone was getting in their snacks and settling down for their ZOMBIE IDOL PARTIES!
Now is the time to choose. Now . . . now the real battle begins.
First, we must crown the winner of Round Two, which was (as I suspected) a total knock-down, drag-‘em-out until the very end. It was a shockingly close contest, which kept twisting and spinning as I tracked the results. But a winner did emerge.
The winner of Round Two was “Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout Would Not Take The Garbage Out” by Shel Silverstein, by Danielle. Danielle! Send in your address! You are the winner of the FIRST SUITE SCARLETT OUT OF THE BOX!
And now . . . now our two zombies face off.
Here it is again, for your consideration.
Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout
Would not take the corpses out!
She’d chase the humans and groan out loud,
Be evil and kill all the bodies in a crowd,
And though her daddy would scream and shout,
She simply would not take the corpses out.
And so they piled up to the ceilings:
Leaking kidneys, no more feelings,
The ghostly sounds of human screams
And chunks of spleen.
They filled the can, they covered the floor,
They cracked the windows and blocked the doors
With skin rinds and broken bones,
Drippy ends of pancreas all alone,
Noses, stomachs, livers,
Enough to make humans fearfully shiver,
Ribs and hips,
Soggy eyes and cracked wrists,
Crusts of larynx ,
Grisly bits of pharynx. . .
The corpses rolled on down the hall,
They raised the roof, they broke the walls.
Greasy skin, teeth crumbs,
Globs of bloody gums,
Nerves from spines,
Rubbery blubbery intestines,
Hands, caked and dry,
Crusts of eyes,
Old colons, dried up guts,
Yellow lumps of brains and butt.
Zombie mouths eating human meat,
Cold and rancid feet.
At last the corpses reached so high
That they finally touched the sky.
And all the zombies moved away,
And none of her friends would come to play.
And finally Sarah Cynthia Stout said,
“OK, I’ll take the corpses out!”
But then, of course, it was too late. . .
The corpses reached across the state,
From New York to the Golden Gate.
And there, in the corpses she did hate,
Poor Sarah met an awful fate,
That I cannot now relate
Because the hour is much too late.
But zombies, remember Sarah Stout
And always take the corpses out!
And in the other corner . . . returning after one week . . . the extremely popular HOW TO BE A ZOMBIE by Adrienne K.
Never stay dead. Learn to watch from shadows. Spread incurable viruses. Invite slow runners to tea. Collect occipital lobes and put them all over your house. Make friends with fear and trepidation. Look forward to nightmares. Make men cry in movies. Eat brains naked. In moonlight. Cultivate apocalypse. Refuse to “be entombed.” Do it for evil. Take lots of innocents. Give undeath away. Do it now. The living will follow. Believe in the cursed. Groan a lot. Celebrate every gorgeous medulla oblongata. Take bloodbaths. Steal others’ wild imaginings through transformative cerebrum-sucks. Revel in perfect chaos. Draw on the walls. With gnawed-off knuckles. Imagine yourself victorious. Giggle at shot guns. Listen to old people wail. Open them up. Dive in. Be free. Damn yourself. Drive in the fear. Play with entrails. You are unholy. Build a fort with corpses. Get revenge. Hug graves. Roam aimlessly. Massacre.
The time now is 7:00 PM, Eastern Standard time in the United States. The ZOMBIE IDOL FINAL will go on for 24 hours, starting NOW.
The rules are simple . . . one vote per person in the comments. Don’t cheat or we’ll have you eaten.
The most important part of the ZOMBIE IDOL FINAL is YOU! YOU make the show!
This is an interactive experience, so throughout the next 24 hours, I’ll be updating this post. You’ll hear color commentary from Your Celebrity Judges. I’ll be answering questions and comments. If you have footage of any of your Zombie Idol celebrations, send it in! This is the time! This is the day! MAKE THE CASE FOR YOUR ZOMBIE! Sing the ZOMBIE IDOL theme song! Express your INNER ZOMBIE!
1 PM: It’s a tight one, folks. It’s simply too early to call any kind of lead. If it’s any help, I had a dream last night that I was in Shaun of the Dead 2, except it wasn’t a movie–it was real life. How great is that? I was running from zombies all night!
Just to get you pumped . . . why not rock out with our hero Shaun for five minutes?
[Warning: there is a tiny, tiny bit of saucy language in the video, as this is the English way. They are a saucy people. I know most of you won't mind. Also, PREPARE TO DANCE!]
5:30 PM: Just an hour and a half to go . . .
It’s an emotional time in Zombie Idol HQ.
We judges are on tenderhooks. So much has brought us to this moment . . . so many zombies have crossed our paths. We are sitting here, exchanging memories of some of our favorites. We find that it is hard to know what to say, because all the zombies were important to us. As we go into the final stretch, we just want to thank everyone who gave their all, who gave their zombies . . .
If you have not voted, don’t wait! This is it!
6:45 PM: I’m really starting to feel for those people on CNN who give commentary on elections. I have votes flying in from every direction . . . comments, e-mails, even over IM . . . but I CAN’T CALL THIS RACE! NOT YET!
Posted: Tuesday, February 26th, 2008 @ 12:16 am
Categories: Suite Scarlett, zombie idol.
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