Regular readers of this blog may notice that I’ve gone slightly off the rails again! Yes, I am in a huge DEADLINE HOLE, finishing up work on the first draft of Suite Scarlett 2.

Before I tell you this week’s exciting story, let me get a whole bunch of business out of the way—because just because I am deep in the hole doesn’t mean that the world stops. There’s been loads going on that I need to tell you about.

DEPARTMENT OF SCARLETT’S ELEVEN

Scarlett’s Eleven—my crack team of Alan Rickman-freers and Scarlett supporters—has made this video, and it has EVERYTHING! Grandmas! Cleavage! Rule breaking! A dude without a shirt on! A cat that can read! Charlie the ferret!

DEPARTMENT OF PRIDE

I’ve wanted an audiobook FOREVER. Now I am getting TWO of them! In fact, one’s already out! The Bermudez Triangle is now available for your EARS. In fact, it’s a summer audio pick at Logo online, the LGBT network! (The other audiobook is Suite Scarlett, which is currently in production. I’ll let you know when that’s available.) Mostly, when I saw this I was delighted to find that I am featured on the same page as John Barrowman, better known as “that really hot guy from Torchwood and Doctor Who who makes out with everyone and everything.”

What a happy coincidence that it came out at the exact same time as the wonderful DAY OF MARRIAGE in California! I made this offer on Facebook, but I want to make it here as well. I want to get certified to marry people, and then offer my services to all takers. I am happy to marry people dressed as Wonder Woman, any member of Abba, classic Princess Leia (white outfit, not the bikini), John Green, or any other of your favorite characters! (Does anyone know how you actually go about getting certified to marry people? I MUST KNOW.)

In other awesome news on this front, my friend Winchester Grey invited me to be in the Gay Pride Parade in New York City with his group! This has been my DREAM for YEARS. So next Sunday I will be one of the thousands of people walking under the rainbows down Fifth Avenue. How happy am I? So happy. Of course, I may be writing AS I AM WALKING, but that is another matter . . .

DEPARTMENT OF CHARLIEISSOCOOL

Charlie sent me a note the other day, when my brains were dribbling out my ears. “I knew I had to send this video to someone as soon as I found it,” it said. “You have been chosen, please pass on the message.”

When Charlie sends you a video and asks you to pass on the message, it has to be done. And I think it also shows how well Charlie actually understands me, because I was compelled to watch this ten times in a row without blinking. This is exactly what my brain feels like on a deadline.

DEPARTMENT OF JELLYFISH

I told you so.

DEPARTMENT OF CLICK THIS TWO HUNDRED TIMES

Just keep clicking here. You’re welcome.

DEPARTMENT OF GIVING OUT BOOKS

Today’s winner: alysa

I feel so bad about how long I took to give out this book that I am going to give out THREE BOOKS this week. Yes, THREE random commenters will get books! Comment! And have you entered the sweepstakes yet? Do that too!

And now . . . let me tell you today’s story.

So I basically had a brain melt this week. It’s been coming on for a while now. I have been writing and writing away, but it turns out that your brain needs the occasional pause or it decides to stop working correctly. (Or at least mine does.) If you don’t take the pause, it takes it for you. So I was sitting there at my desk, and the world inside my head was a soft, sunny, rabbity place, not hugely productive.

In addition, it has always been the policy in the mj Office that I do everything. I read all the e-mails and answer them. I do the Facebook friending, the myspace clicking, the sending out of books and things . . . but the other day I was feeling it. I had piles of books everywhere, Scarlett notes in all directions, fifteen cups of tea, a thousand unanswered e-mails, and I may have been on fire. Scarlett two wasn’t done. My brain was dead.

“Someone help me,” I said out loud in a low voice.

And then, far in the distance, I heard a low rumble. I looked out my window to see what it was. There, on the street, was a girl dressed entirely in pink motorcycle leathers and a helmet and sitting astride a silver Vespa. She stood on the seat and made a leap for my fire escape, pulling herself up rung over rung until she was at my window.

At first I thought it was J.K. Rowling, because that only makes sense. She’s the only one who tries to get in through my fire escape. I mean, Free Monkey goes out and swings on it on occasion, but basically, it’s the J.K. entrance. So when this strange figure arrived, I immediately said, “I have no jam here. Get out.”

The figure handed me a hard that simply read, “Roxy Studious.” It was not J.K.

“Hello,” I said.

Roxy just stared at me. I could see nothing through the shiny black of her helmet.

“Are you . . . um . . . what are you doing here?”

Again, she said nothing. She just walked over and started sorting my piles of books. Then she cleared away the 15 cups of tea, brought me a fresh one, shoved me aside, and started updating my myspace page.

“Oh,” I said. “Okay. I’ll, uh . . . I’ll take these pages of Suite Scarlett 2 over here and I’ll just . . . I’ll edit them. Over here.”

Nothing. Just the sound of keys being hit in a brisk manner.

When I looked up next, she was straightening my cluttered desktop. And after that she was doing some shredding. Then, as quickly as she came, she went right back out the window and got back on her Vespa.

I think she may be my assistant now. I really don’t know.

I don’t know exactly what she’ll be doing or how long she will be staying, but if Roxy answers you, she will identify herself. If the note says “mj,” then it’s me. I guess, anyway.

Okay. Get commenting. I think I need questions to answer! I think my brain is coming back on!

Posted: Saturday, June 21st, 2008 @ 7:23 pm
Categories: Scarlett's Eleven, Suite Scarlett, roxy studious.
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