Has it really been twelve days since I posted? Because it feels like ten minutes. That is because I have been working on Suite Scarlett 2, and when you are on deadline, time gets all funny. Weekday, weekend, day, night . . . it all gets blurry.

Have you noticed something on many YA author blogs recently? Many of us are on deadline. That is because it is book planting season! We are hard at work on the YA farm, making the books. Summer is for planting. Fall is for harvesting! That means fall is for FINAL DRAFTS, which are infinitely worse than first drafts.

To give you some idea of what it’s been like, here is a sample exchange between me and my beloved agent, Daphne Unfeasible. Note how things progress as we approach the deadline.

May, 2008

ME
Things are going really well with the book. I really have a grip on this one.

DAPHNE
I am glad to hear it. I assume you will be having your normal meltdown in a few weeks, though, when you get closer to the deadline.

ME
I’m not that predictable, you know.

DAPHNE
Yes you are. You always have it under control, and you always have the meltdown anyway. I look forward to your meltdown. It’s like the first snowfall of the season.

ME
I can’t believe you are saying this! I am not going to have a meltdown!

Late June, 2008

DAPHNE
How is the book coming, beloved client?

ME
Go away.

DAPHNE
What’s wrong?

ME
Everything. Nothing. Stop pressuring me.

DAPHNE
You were happy a few weeks ago. You said it was all under control, and I said you would have your normal meltdown.

ME
This is not a meltdown. Do I sound unreasonable? Do I sound crazy?

DAPHNE
No, but you sound a bit grouchy. This is how the meltdown always starts.

ME
Stop talking about this “meltdown”! Maybe that happened, like, once, with the first book.

DAPHNE
Would you like me to send some e-mails from the past? The 13 Little Blue Envelopes ones are among my favorites. But those 3AM phone calls from Devilish were also good.

ME
I don’t remember any of that. This book is different.

DAPHNE
I’m only telling you this so when the panic DOES hit, you’ll remember that you have done this before, and you always make it.

ME
Lies!

DAPHNE
You documented it!

ME
As a JOKE. My blog readers are so much smarter than that! They know that’s not true!

July 2nd

DAPHNE
How is the writing going today?

ME
Great! I went to the zoo!

DAPHNE
What? Why? Your book has nothing to do with the zoo.

ME
It’s all part of the process!

DAPHNE
I feel like you are stalling. The book is due in two weeks, you know.

ME
You understand NOTHING about writing. Writing is a super-magical process that only writers understand and no one else does and mine involves going to the zoo and seeing ALL THE MONKEYS. It’s where I meet my muse.

DAPHNE
I thought you were staunchly anti-muse. I thought you believed that writing is a craft that you learn through practice and devotion and it’s counterproductive and actually insulting to suggest that imaginary creatures have anything to do with it.

ME
Fine. I just need the monkeys.

DAPHNE
You’re sure you’re not just procrastinating because it’s getting hard?

ME
Leave me alone! You are destroying the aura I’ve created! YOU ARE MAKING THE MONKEYS ANGRY!

July 7th

ME
As my legal representative in all things literary on earth, I command you to come to my house and kill me with a brick.

DAPHNE
You know I love to oblige your every whim, but I fear I cannot help you. Looking forward to reading the book!

ME
YOU NEVER HELP ME WHEN I NEED YOU.

DAPHNE
There, there. Why don’t you Swifter around your desk for a little while? That usually relaxes you.

ME
I feel better. The book is not so bad.

July 9th

ME
I AM GOING TO GO INTO OUTER SPACE AND NEVER COME BACK.

DAPHNE
I’m not worried. You would never go into space. You won’t even wade into four feet of ocean. Finish your book.

ME
Untrue! Untrue! I once jumped off a boat and swam to an island! I am a very good swimmer!

DAPHNE
This is not a discussion about your swimming ability. It’s a discussion about your cowardice. You jumped off that boat because the man running it pulled out a net and said it was for catching jellyfish and that he already had a bunch of them in a bucket, and then he opened that bucket to show you, and you jumped off and swam to shore . . . which, if I remember correctly, you said was about thirty feet away.

Actually, this is a discussion about your writing. Finish your book.

ME
I really don’t think the distance from the shore makes any difference.

DAPHNE
You’re right. It doesn’t. Finish your book.

July 11th

ME
I am baking you a cake! It’s in the oven RIGHT NOW!

DAPHNE
Thank you for the cake. You are a very good baker, and I certainly appreciate it. But perhaps this week I can just go and buy myself a cake, and you and I can eat it when you FINISH YOUR BOOK.

ME
It’s not the same if it comes from a store. My cake is made with love.

DAPHNE
I know you love me. As you should. But if you really wanted to show it, you would give me a book.

ME
I don’t think you are showing me proper respect. I am an AUTHOR. I am THE TALENT. Why aren’t you GROVELING MORE? Maybe I will throw a huge tantrum and never show you my book! DO NOT MAKE THE TALENT GO ALL DIVA ON YOU!

DAPHNE
Yes, yes, little pineapple. Grovel, grovel.

ME
That was totally sarcastic and not at all groveling! You have it so easy! I could be throwing cell phones at staff members in airports and wandering around the streets in a drug-induced haze, you know. I could shave off all my hair in public and make videos where I talk to baby mice. I could make you bail me out of jail at four in the morning. You could have it a lot worse! You should count your lucky stars that I am so EASY TO DEAL WITH!

DAPHNE
I count them every day.

July 15th

ME
lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol

DAPHNE
What are you laughing at?

ME
A juicebox!

July 17th

ME
Here you go. Scarlett Fever.

DAPHNE
How are you?

ME
Fine. Why?

Yes! The first draft of the book is in! And did you see that? I just slipped the title in there. The second Scarlett book is called Scarlett Fever!

SCARLETT FEVER! There’s even a version of the cover all ready to go! (Sekrit. Cannot show you yet.) There’s still loads of work to do yet. This was just a first draft. But the book is coming your way soon, and it’s bigger and more insane than the first. Spencer, in particular, goes through the wringer in this one. I wish I could tell you all about it, but I cannot give spoilers. But there are BIG THINGS AFOOT!

Okay, one spoiler. There’s a dance number. And amazingly, many of you have been suggesting things about Spencer that you were probably joking about but actually happen! Think FOOD.

Now, MANY of you have been asking—not reasonably—if I am excited for the Mamma Mia movie.

Am I excited about the Mamma Mia movie. . . .

In my mind, it is NO CONICIDENCE that Mamma Mia is coming out JUST AS THE BOOK IS DUE. And I don’t want to be all “I told you so,” but I have been expounding the virtues of Abba forever, and now everyone is all Abba, Abba, Abba. I do not resent this. I am glad that everyone is catching on!

IN FACT . . . when I was at the Gay Pride Parade here in NYC a few weeks ago (when I was in the parade, riding at the top of the Google double-decker bus), the very first person I ran into walked up to me reached into a bag and said, “Would you like a Mamma Mia, Gimme Gimme Gimme A Man After Midnight fan to beat the heat?”

And I said, “Marry me.”

He said, “Alas, I cannot. I am gay. But I will do a dance with you.”

And we did a dance.

My Mamma Mia fan.

In fact, I am so excited to see Mamma Mia that I invite ALL OF YOU to come! I am going tomorrow night. Now, I know a lot of you are not in New York. That is upsetting. The quickest way to fix this is by hitting the banner just to the right and entering the Suite Scarlett Sweepstakes! Win that trip to NYC and we will meet and do ABBA DANCES together!

To get us all ready, here is the trailer!

Even better . . . here is Abba performing the title song! Notice the filming techniques taken right from fellow Swede Ingmar Bergman! Notice the dancing that even I can do!

You know what I am thinking, actually? I am thinking I should write to the people who run the Abba Museum or Her Serene Highness Princess Anni-Frid Reuss, Countess of Plauen to ask if I could be made the official Abba YA ambassador for the United States. (Which is something I just made up but think I would be very good at. If I did so, would you support me? What do you guys think?)

Okay, book time. The winner of today’s book is Chelsea! Also, the winner of the contest for guessing the title of the new book was cweed105. So both of you . . . drop me a line for your PRIZES!

I will be blogging MUCH MORE this week, so get those comments in, because I am still giving away books!

Posted: Thursday, July 17th, 2008 @ 8:43 pm
Categories: Scarlett Fever, Suite Scarlett, juiceboxes.
Subscribe to the comments feed if you like. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.