In reading through the comments on my last post, I saw this:

anonymous said…
Maureen — I was wondering how you get to be just an author (with no day job) who lives a fabulous life between NYC and London?? Economic crisis aside, don’t you have to be JK Rowling to do that? Is it all because of money from your books, or is it also because of speaking visits and stuff like that? I’d really love to know…since my dream in life is to be a full time writer!!!

Well, anonymous, be careful what you wish for! Let me tell you about a typical day of working on my new book, Scarlett Fever.

7:30: Wake. Do yogic finger exercises to prepare for the day’s writing. Shower, dress.

8:00: Breakfast of Coco Puffs and Juicy Juice at desk while answering e-mails and reading news.

8:27: Examine board of perfectly organized story notes. Congratulate self on way that book never gets off track in any way. Writing process is like well-oiled machine.

8:33: Have second helping of Coco Puffs and Juicy Juice as way of recognizing own achievements, as loving yourself is very important psychologically.

8:57: Realize have been Googling “dog on surfboard” images for some time. Cannot remember why, as dogs on surfboards have no role in book.

8:58: Roll up sleeves, get to writing.

8:59-9:22: Writing.

9:23: Finish off Coco Puffs. There were just a few left. Easier just to eat them.

9:50-10:21: Writing.

10:22: Official mj magician gets in touch with new trick developed for Let It Snow:

10:27-11:01: Writing.

11:02 AM: Angelina Jolie on phone. Question: “Do my lips look big in this picture?” Answer: “Yes.” I assume that she will take this as a compliment, as everyone loves her big lips, but she does not. I panic a bit and ad-lib: “Know what would make them look smaller? Adopting another baby.” This does not go down as hoped. She hangs up. She is very sensitive.

11:03-11:26: Writing

11:27: Emergency phone meeting with creators of Doctor Who. They are stuck on a scene and need my help. They haven’t even started explaining the plot of the episode when I am struck with the answer: “The bad aliens all have pets that look like rabbits, but it turns out the rabbits are actually in charge and the aliens are slaves. The Doctor frees the aliens through carrot-trickery and sends the evil rabbits back to their home planet. Make jokes about Easter Eggs. More TARDIS.” I hear someone say, “Genius!” but pretend I do not, as acknowledging this is bad form. In background, David Tennant realizes I am on phone and tried to run over in time, but I hang up. Have lost seven minutes of precious writing time. But if it gets them through the episode, it was worth it.

11:33: Peanut butter snack.

11:40-11:56: Writing.

11:57: Angelina Jolie on phone again. Apologizes for hanging up earlier. Wants to know if I was serious about the adopting a child as a way of reducing perceived lip size thing. I say no. She says that is what she thought. Obviously needs affirmation about her lips, so I tell her they are great, like two flesh-pillows on a bed of perfect skin. Realize too late that this is creepy, but she does not seem to mind. Remember that Angelina is herself kind of creepy, what with the collecting knives and wearing former husband’s blood around neck in jar. Brad says hi in background.

11:58-12:14: Writing.

12:15 PM: Leave for lunch meeting with creators of High School Musical. Think this is just friendly lunch, but they are soon pumping for ideas for the fourth movie in not so subtle way by asking questions like, “What rhymes with prom?” and “Do you want to play a game? It’s called, “Fill in the blank lines in this script!”” Excuse myself and leave after appetizers. Cannot believe they are so undignified. Flip over table as I go and throw breadbasket at one producer’s head for good measure.

1:02: Peanut butter snack, this time while squatting under footbridge in Central Park to keep it real.

1:24: Write four pages in my “Magick Dreams Sticker Journal.” Strictly private.

1:32-2:14: Writing. (Of book.)

2:15: Off to some committee meeting. Not even sure for what. I am on so many, I cannot keep track. Something about giving swans to orphans. Or bears. Not giving bears to orphans (or the other way around, LOL!), just bears. Actually, I think was about giving books . . . to someone. Possibly swans, bears, or orphans. In any case, this is the kind of thing I support wholeheartedly so write check for a cool ten grand and get my afternoon back to get some more writing done.

2:46-3:05: Writing.

3:06: Cheese snack.

3:12: Off to a theater downtown to consult on a production of Woyzeck, the classic German tragedy in 29 scenes first produced in 1879. I am somewhat out of ideas at this point, having exhausted most of them in my “Magick Dreams Sticker Journal” but try to bluff my way through by suggesting all-ABBA soundtrack, focusing on the heart-wrenching “One of Us.” Point them to the strangely compelling video that is based entirely on Agnetha taking things out of boxes, putting things on shelves, and hanging wallpaper. Leave through back while they are watching video on Youtube, but can tell that they like it.

3:57: While leaving theater through back door, spot J.K. Rowling lingering across street. Get in cab to make escape and almost succeed, but am spotted at last moment. She gets in cab to chase me.

3:58-4:11: Cab chase through Manhattan.

4:12: Shake her loose in traffic. Have cab take me to Scott Westerfeld and Justine Larbalestier’s house. Once there, continue writing in safety, after reflecting on experience in “Magick Dreams Sticker Journal.”

4:55: Am just cracking a difficult scene in book when phone rings. Angelina Jolie AGAIN. Am seriously regretting ever giving her my number, assigning her that “My Humps” ringtone. Ignore.

4:57: FIVE VOICEMAILS??? Angelina does not get that writers need quiet time to think. Also, do not understand how she has so much time to call me while maintaining status as world’s sexiest woman and top movie star while raising six small children and Brad Pitt. When “My Humps” plays again, throw phone out window. Wanted new model iPhone anyway.

4:58: Justine wants to know why I am throwing phones out of her window. Explain Angelina Jolie, big lips, “My Humps” situation. Justine chastises me for associating with Hollywood types. Says I am not keeping it real. Assure her I am, show her reflections I recorded earlier in “Magick Dreams Sticker Journal” while squatting under footbridge (will occasionally show small portions to certain people). Justine takes statement back, gives me cheese snack.

5:15: Leave for disco lesson.

6:17: Have just enough time to get to cocktails at the Famous Authors Club. Everyone is there. Too many names to list. Would sound like namedropping.

6:48: Libba Bray wants to know why J.K. Rowling has been calling her from my phone. Says all she did was some deep breathing, shout “I WROTE HARRY POTTER,” and hang up. Find out that this has been happening to EVERYONE in the last hour! J.K. Rowling found my phone! Disaster, disaster, disaster.

7:14: Emergency appointment at Genius Bar at Fifth Avenue Apple Store. Explain Angelina Jolie/lips/”My Humps”/J.K.Rowling situation. Genius explains that there is nothing Apple can do if I throw my phone out of a window into the waiting hands of the world’s best-selling author. I tell Genius that it is bad form to go around calling himself that. Purchase new iPhone, but not without a certain amount of indignation.

7:28: Glumly eat candy snack at candy counter of F.A.O Schwartz toy store while reprogramming new iPhone. Regret the way I treated the Apple Genius. Purchase him a four foot high stuffed giraffe as apology, but find when I go back to the store that he has gone home for the day.

7:49: Walk to literary landmark Algonquin Hotel with four foot high stuffed giraffe for second cocktail party of the night. Am refused entry, not because of giraffe, but because of calls made from my phone.

7:51: Very traumatic session with “Magick Dreams Sticker Journal” at Times Square Olive Garden, alone with endless breadsticks, salad, and pasta bowl.

8:27: Cancellation of old number/processing of new number complete. Immediately get 19 angry voice mails. Fast forward through most of them, pausing only to listen to the one about how I gave ten thousand dollars to an organization that forces orphans to make books about swans for bears. Wonder how this organization could ever come into existence and how I managed to join it. Last message is from Doctor Who people telling me that my idea has resulted in David Tennant being rushed to hospital after suffering a serious and never-before-experienced allergy attack while holding a rabbit. Angelina seems undeterred. Day looking to be total failure.

9:03: Back on street with giraffe, now called Barney, slogging along under bright lights of Broadway.

9:23: Stop at Starbucks to regroup. Decide to pour today’s experiences in Scarlett Fever instead of putting them into “Magick Dreams Sticker Journal.” Write like a crazy person, ignoring ringing phone, stares of other customers. Am in the world of the characters now, running around the Hopewell Hotel with Scarlett and Spencer and Lola and Marlene.

11:00: Thrown out of Starbucks. Have written an entire chapter. Feel good about this. Get in cab with Barney. Listen to messages. Have been forgiven by other Famous Authors, asked to come back to the club. Also, David Tennant, though gravely ill, has given a hopeful thumbs up.

11:12: Direct cab driver to secret disco club, where they only play ABBA. Cast of Woyzeck is there. Disco dancing until dawn. Well, 12:15. Tomorrow’s a work day!

I hope this helps provide some perspective. If you have any other writing questions, leave them below!

Posted: Thursday, October 23rd, 2008 @ 5:23 am
Categories: Scarlett Fever, ask mj, writing.
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