So, for the last day of BEDA, I thought I would do something I did on Christmas Eve. Namely, I blogged for MANY HOURS, answering questions and giving things away on a rolling basis. I’m doing this today from noon to six.

So this blog will change ALL DAY LONG. Keep checking back to find answers to questions and maybe catch a SPONTANEOUS Scarlett giveaway!

This morning, I went down my street to buy something and I noticed that the house next to my apartment building, smack in the middle of the street . . . was gone. GONE. I was out yesterday, and they TOOK IT AWAY. Which means that we must start the day on this musical note, with Madness, one of the all-time most awesome bands, singing about their house in the middle of the street:

I look forward to your QUESTIONS. See you SOON.

QUESTION #1

Kali asks: When are you going to TRAPEZE SCHOOL? And can we come with you? I think we should have a small gathering in which we go together. Moral support and the likes.

The current plan is that I will be going around the time of BEA (Book Expo America), which is a massive publishing event here in New York. This is because my agent wants to watch. But because I’m not TOTALLY stupid, I have enlisted someone who is POSSIBLY AS SCARED AS I AM to come with me. Yes, I will be taking Twilight Boy Kaleb Nation up to the platform with me. As the scheduling firms up and things are put into place, I will update on this. TRUST ME. I will be talking about it ALL THE TIME. I don’t actually know if people can go. It’s a private school. I’ll talk to them. But WHO WOULD COME TO THAT???

QUESTION #2

Hilary asks: As a fellow catholic school girl and someone from the Philly suburbs, how do you give a class presentation WITHOUT FREAKING OUT?!

The important thing to remember about class presentations is that pretty much no one in the entire class cares what you are saying. Everyone is: a). freaking out for the presentation THEY are about to give, b). recovering from giving a presentation, or c). sleeping with their eyes open.

The only exceptions to this rule are:

YOUR FRIENDS: Who are watching to make sure you survive
THE GRADE OBSESSED: Who think everything is a competition
THE PERKY PEOPLE WHO PAY ATTENTION TO EVERYTHING: Who are far too awake
THE PEOPLE WHO HAVEN’T FINISHED PREPARING: Who are watching you for hints
THE EVIL: Who like to mess with people at the front of the class
YOUR TEACHER

Looking at that list, I realize that in fact MANY people are watching, all with different motives. I offer three suggestions:

1. Go early
2. Make it short
3. Show a video/give out candy whenever possible

That’s just the survival plan. If you are asking how to give a presentation with STYLE, that is a different matter! Is that what you are asking?

QUESTION #3

TiffanySchmidt asks: My 6th graders requested ABBA for writing music. They call it: “the musical form of caffeine” Wonder where they got that?

Some days I truly feel like my work is done.

QUESTION #4

Death Pixie asks: As an author, how do you react to criticism especially when the critic is another author??

It’s actually pretty rare (in my experience) that another author offers criticism.* Not to your face, anyway. Unless they are writing a formal review with a byline, just slamming your book randomly is pretty bad form. At least, in my world. People may be saying ALL KINDS of things about your book in private that you will never know. And it’s really much better that way.

But reviews, in general? Honestly, it’s best not to give them much time. People have opinions about everything. Reviews are just some specific people writing down some specific opinions. Reviewers themselves vary wildly as well. You don’t need to take a test or anything to be a reviewer. Depending on where you are reviewing, it might not be that hard at all to get the job. I was hired as a reviewer in grad school. They gave me $50 and a book and I used it as a chance to show off and take out my frustrations, which is pretty common. Some reviewers are excellent. Some reviewers are really bad. Some reviewers are great, but just aren’t right for your book. Some reviewers praise your book unfairly, or dismiss it because they are having a bad day. Good reviewers write poor reviews sometimes, and really awful reviewers occasionally hit the nail on the head.

No matter what, it’s a lot of noise. You can’t listen to what everyone thinks. You just can’t. You’ll go insane. It won’t help you. (I discussed this once here.) You have to learn who to listen to, and how to trust yourself and your own voice.

Think about it: what if you asked a hundred people to give opinions on what you are wearing today. A hundred totally random, opinionated people who like to tell other people what they think. You’d get a hundred or so different reports. Some people would be nice. Some people would just be mean because that’s how they get their fun. Some people would try to “help” you by suggesting things that THEY would wear, things that you don’t like and don’t have and wouldn’t suit you anyway. What would you do with all of that information? You’d go and hide under your bed. Because that much random input is meaningless. You couldn’t put on an outfit that would please them ALL. It’s UNPOSSIBLE!

It’s useless when too many people are talking.

Which doesn’t mean to say that you (and by you, I mean me) ignore what everyone says about your book. It means that you just have to be very selective in what moves you, and you have to have confidence in what you are doing, and learn to find useful pieces of information in all of the things being thrown at you.

That being said . . . if you like Suite Scarlett, why not take the time right now to leave a nice review here or here? “But why?” you ask. “You just said it was TOO MUCH!”

For the author, it is. But for people looking for things to read, your positive recommendation is VERY VALUABLE! I am ENORMOUSLY grateful when people leave nice reviews. And if you didn’t like the book, well, you can say that too. But you can also just go HERE instead!

I’m in the mood to give out a book soon. Very soon. I should propose a challenge of some sort to win it . . .

*thinks*

OKAY . . . FIRST prize giveaway of the day! FIRST one! It’s a SIGNED SCARLETT to a random commenter. I’ll choose at 4:30 (that’s one hour and 15 minutes from NOW). So ASK MORE QUESTIONS!

I’ll make the next challenge into an actual challenge. But for now, it’s time to just give away a Scarlett to celebrate.

QUESTION #5

brnh asks: Any suggestions for making OUR last post of BEDA special? I’ve reached a blogging lull and could use the help…

Here are just a FEW things you can do:

1. Go and read some BEDA blogs at random. Write a FULL RESPONSE to someone you don’t know.
2. Write a letter to me or a review of Suite Scarlett. I WILL READ IT IF YOU SEND ME THE LINK VIA E-MAIL.
3. Make up a recipe. Test it out. It does not have to be GOOD.
4. Write some FAN FICTION.
5. Write an open letter to something of yours that doesn’t work right. Tell it off.

QUESTION #6

Tobias asks: Should I grow a beard?

This is really up to you, Tobias. I have to admit that I am not personally a fan of beards. Oh sure, sometimes I see one that looks right. But in general, I admire clean-shavenness. I think it makes you guys seem very, very clever, the way you debeard yourselves! I like a nice CHIN. I can’t help it. It is just the way I am. My personal preferences come through.

Why not ask yourself this question: WHAT WOULD JOHN BARROWMAN DO?

[NEWSBREAK! It looks like someone read what I wrote above and left a new nice review of Scarlett on Amazon! I LOVE YOU! In fact, if you leave a nice review of Scarlett on Amazon or BN, I will MARRY YOU. That's right. MARRY YOU. Think of the joy we will experience together!]

Okay . . .

QUESTION #7

rubber ducky asks: The guy I have a crush on forgot my name today. I am trying to be optimistic and saying it’s because he only knows my nickname. Am I delusional?

This is the BEST POSSIBLE NEWS! You see, when you REALLY LIKE someone, you sometimes lose control of some of the finer functions of your mind. Which is why conversations like this happen. Say you’re working at, oh, I don’t know . . . Starbucks. And the person who you like comes in for a coffee.

PERSON WHO IS LIKED: Hi.
YOU: *blank stare*
PWIL: Um . . .
YOU: (overly loud) Oh HI! HI!!!!!!!!!!!
PWIL: Can I have a grande latte?
YOU: What?
PWIL: Can I have a grande latte?
YOU: What?
PWIL: Can I have a . . .
YOU: OH MY GOD! I thought you said GRANDMA! *burst of inappropriate laughter* Yeah. I thought you said . . . um, what? Hi, by the way!
PWIL: Hi. Can I have a grande latte?
YOU: That . . . is my favorite drink.
PWIL: Oh really?
YOU: Yes.
PWIL: Can I have one?
YOU: What?
PWIL: A grande latte.
YOU: Oh, right! *more laughter* Sure. SURE! Let me just. *random hitting of keys, accidentally charge $49.99* Oh, um . . . forget that! It’s on me! What’s your nam . . . oh, I know your name. I mean, I don’t, like whisper it to myself at night before I go to sleep or anything!
PWIL: *just kind of looks at you*
YOU: *panic*
PWIL: *just kind of looks at you*
YOU: Any . . . pastry?
PWIL: I’m good.
YOU: YEAH you are!
PWIL: *just stares at you*
YOU: So . . .
PWIL: Can I have my coffee?
YOU: What?

So, not worry, Rubber Ducky! I have no doubt that the person in question was actually singing this to himself in his head:

[NEWSFLASH! The first WINNER of TODAY is Mrs.JasperHale08. Send an ADDRESS! Another book will be given away SHORTLY! But I think I will make it MORE CHALLENGING. Ideas?]

[SONG BREAK]

I think we need some more Madness, don’t you? Here’s another one of their MOST AWESOME SONGS. I dedicate it to YOU.

QUESTION #8

Laura asks: I am in a Creative Writing class full of people who are clearly better than me. It is embarrassing to read my stuff out loud. And too late to drop the class. Although the class is in many ways fun I leave it feeling like a untalented person. What should I do?

First of all, one of the things about loosey-goosey classes like creative writing is that you honestly CAN’T FAIL. Well, you can, but you kind of have to make an effort to do so. For example . . . setting fire to the building. That might do it. But even then, some teachers will be into that.

And this feeling of “everyone is better than me” is something a lot of people experience when it comes to their writing. It sometimes has nothing to do with reality, and everything to do with your own fear. NO, REALLY. I have heard amazing, famous writers cry out, “I suck. I can’t write. I should just KILL MYSELF.”

So don’t give up on the class. Push through. If necessary, make the pushing through THE ENTIRE POINT!

[NEWSFLASH]

Okay, I REALLY HAVE TO PUT ON PANTS SOON. I know, I know. It goes against everything I stand for, but I am going out to one of those places where pants are required. Or skirts. I will probably wear a skirt. Or a TOGA.

Actually, if you are stalking me (and HELLO if you are! I hope you liked those things I left in the trash for you!) . . . I am going to this tonight. It’s a benefit for 826NYC, which is an awesome writing program.

I think what I will DO is leave a SERIES OF CHALLENGES on this blog shortly. Then, when I return later tonight, I will look at the results and answer a few more questions.

Also, to those of you who wrote to say you will miss my daily posts . . . THANK YOU! And also, I am cooking up something NEW and potentially MORE STUPID.

QUESTION #9

JD asks: Maureen, what do you do to spice up a desperately boring blog?

Why not throw in a few threats? It worked for the Zodiac Killer. I mean, what was the Zodiac Killer if not just a really determined blogger in the days before blogging?** He also used KOOKY SYMBOLS, and then went out and killed lots of people . . .

*thinks this over*

OR.

Or, you could give stuff away! Like this!

All right . . . I have to go out for a few hours, but when I come back, I will conclude this post! I leave THREE CHALLENGES and chances for you to WIN!

1. Challenge one: Best question. Leave it in the comments. This is pretty much like normal, I know. But today is the last day of BEDA, and I MUST GIVE OUT SOME PRIZES to YOU!

2. SURPRISE ME. You have about six hours. I have many ways of being reached, and many little TENDRILS of myself to surprise. Do something on Twitter, or on this blog, or the Ning, or some other site. I don’t want to give you any suggestions, because that would not SURPRISE me. But you have been CHALLENGED.

3. I will give an additional SPECIAL PRIZE to someone who has read Scarlett and leaves a review on the places I’ve linked to above. It will be a SPECIAL prize.

All right! See you around midnight OR SO! I am off to RAISE MONEY FOR WRITING PROGRAMS!

* I am assuming you mean flat-out negative remarks here. If someone I respect gives me comments I can use, then I’m very happy.
** I guess the answer is: He was a crazy, crazy, crazy serial killer.

Posted: Thursday, April 30th, 2009 @ 4:30 pm
Categories: BEDA, Suite Scarlett, madness.
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