I am incapable of lying, but I admire the ability in others.

Yesterday, on Twitter, I challenged people to tell some lies about me. I’m not sure what made me do this. Perhaps I was thinking of my friend Justine Larbalestier’s new book, Liar.* Perhaps I was just thinking about how ACCURATE everything is on the internet. In any case, I threw down the challenge. To the winner, I promised a shiny new ARC of SCARLETT FEVER, months before the release of the book.

I have always known that you are exceptionally clever, but I got a powerful reminder of that when I read the entries. It took me quite a while to read them all and to select just 25 of them. In fact, I BROKE MY TWITTER trying to access replies, there were so many of them.

Now, for your consideration are 25 LIES ABOUT ME. Like its predecessor, Zombie Idol, LIAR IDOL will be judged by YOU.

Here are the rules:

Vote in the comments. You may only vote once. This is an honor system. (And if you sign in anonymously, please put your name on your comment.)

Throughout the day, I will count the votes. The winner will be called at 5 PM, New York time.

GOOD LUCK, Liars.

THE LIES

1. @NinjaFanpire If @maureenjohnson says your going to die at a certain time and place, you’d better get there and you’d better already be dead.

2. @susie130 Guns don’t kill people; @maureenjohnson kills people.

3. @JayOrDan23In the event of a water landing, @maureenjohnson can also be used a flotation device.

4. @itokro The Pope reads @maureenjohnson, and broke his wrist trying to re-create a Spencer stunt.

5. @livin4hymn Amy Winehouse isn’t addicted to drugs, she just experienced too much of @maureenjohnson at once and hasn’t been the same since

6. OSUBrit They say @maureenjohnson never blinks, and that she roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves…

7. @creativemachine Kids check under their beds for the boogieman. The boogieman checks under his bed for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris checks for @maureenjohnson

8. @sophienotemily If you need to find the nearest @maureenjohnson… there’s an app for that.

9. @lalibrarylady86Top Editor at Us Weekly Departing http://bit.ly/vvgdH because of @maureenjohnson Editor’s final quote: “That woman will put me in my grave”

10. @granbookpub @maureenjohnson shocked to find the opening sentence of SCARLETT FEVER won the Bulwer-Lytton fiction contest. @realjohngreen submitted it.

11. @pumpkin0core@maureenjohnson walks into a bar. Now laugh.

12. @omgitsoml14 Always be sure to use protection when having @maureenjohnson

13. @pumpkin0core In the latest Mortal Kombat, @maureenjohnson is an unlockable character. Not even the programmers know how to unlock her.

14. @lunar321 @maureenjohnson has a whole poe statue, @realjohngreen only has a bust. and since poe was a guy, his bust is miniscule.

15. @calliebeth The Bible as a collection of written works was entirely authored by @maureenjohnson. This explains the immense popularity

16. @granbookpub Every fall @maureenjohnson stops writing & tweeting for 2 days straight to try for tickets to Oprah’s Favorite Things! She’s not giving up!

17. @digitalcable @maureenjohnson was once on “Cops” 3 times in the same episode; cocaine is a hell of a drug.

18. @firecracker704 @maureenjohnson is the hooker that beat up Vince.

19. @MasonWinsauer @maureenjohnson has been determined to be the cure of 99.6% of the worlds ailments. However, she is too highly volatile to mine safely.

20. @NinjaFanpire On her birthday, @maureenjohnson randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

21. @SpinachPuffs Prior to becoming an author, @maureenjohnson auditioned for a part in the Lord of the Rings movies. She was in the top 3 choices for Gimli!

22. @WordsLikeRoses @maureenjohnson has taken all her followers souls and sewed them into curtains. Tough luck for us.

23. @worldgirl84 In the original line-up of the Spice Girls @maureenjohnson was going to be Creepy Spice

24. @rhondastapleton @maureenjohnson invented the Internet, tight-fitting chinos, the color yellow, and the concept of leap year.

25. @jrg1990: @maureenjohnson steals plot from @realjohngreen! Read all about it!

THE WINNER . . .

YOU have spoken, and while the competition was FIERCE, #25 emerges as THE LIAR IDOL. All hail!

* I am interested in lies out of artistic curiosity. Justine is interested in lies because she has no morals.

Posted: Tuesday, July 21st, 2009 @ 4:58 pm
Categories: Justine Larbalestier, Liar Idol, lies.
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