HOW TO WRITE TO AN AUTHOR
The thing about being an author THESE DAYS is that we have the advantage of being in direct contact with our readers. Most authors are reachable one way or another.
The thing about this, of course, is the sheer AMOUNT of mail we get is considerably larger back in YE OLDEY DAYS before the internet. If you wanted to write an author back then (as I did, as a tiny mj), you first had to look all through the book for some kind of publisher’s address, then you would write something ON PAPER, BY HAND, write the author’s name on the envelope and hope and pray that someday, the letter might get there. I remember writing to an author once this way, and I almost had a stroke when I got a letter back about eight months later. He said I was the only reader who had ever written to him.
But with the INTERNET, everything goes faster, and there is just MORE, MORE, MORE. This explosion has been really recent—REALLY recent. Authors are still figuring out how to deal with the degree of contact we now have with readers. The letters can come in with such ferocity that several authors I know have removed their email addresses from public view—not because they don’t like people—but because there is simply too much. Between writing, answering personal email, doing all the business stuff they have to do (traveling, promotion, editing, reading other books, going to conferences, research, meetings, taxes, contracts, plus maintaining a web presence) . . . PLUS, living their lives, leaving the house, having friends and family, eating food, sleeping at night . . . if they tried to keep up with a public email address as well, THEY WOULD DIE. No, seriously. They would have a heart attack and die.
Everyone has to find his or her own level. I do keep a public email address, because that’s the way I roll. My rule is this: I read every single email. Every single one. But I usually can’t reply to all the notes. At this exact second, just to give you some idea, I have 1,489 notes in my public inbox. That’s just email. There’s also Facebook, where I just found another 576. (And I actually just went through a major clearing out and replying spree, because those numbers were double that.) Plus I talk to people all day long on Twitter.
This is not me trying to tell you HOW VERY POPULAR I AM. This is just to give you some idea of what the average YA writer like me might have going on at any one particular time.
I have decided to take on this topic in my tradition of giving ADVICE. I should point out that while I am trying to write some advice that that I think most authors will be able to get behind, this is just MY OPINION and not the result of any Grand Counsil of Authors that meets in a big, spooky castle and reads all your letters out loud.*
#1 IF YOU ARE NICE, WE LIKE YOU
Know this: if you write to an author and say nice things about us, we like you. We are not going to sit around and judge you on your spelling or your style. We are too busy thinking how much we LIKE YOU for saying nice things to us. Because that is a really nice thing to do, write a note to say that you like someone! So never have any fear that a fan letter will annoy an author. (Well, I certainly know it doesn’t annoy me, and it doesn’t annoy most of the people I know. You’d have to be one mean, mean snake to be annoyed by a kind letter.)
We love it when you get in touch.
#2 COMPLAIN AWAY, BUT DON’T EXPECT US TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT
Sometimes, people write to complain to us about our books. Sometimes people don’t like the way a book went, and they write to talk about that. If the letter is friendly and polite, that’s totally fine! Authors understand that people have strong feelings about books. WE have strong feelings about books. We get it. It’s cool. If you just need to talk it out, and you aren’t being mean or crazy, this is acceptable.
But . . . don’t expect us to do anything about it. We write what we write! Not everyone is going to like our choices, but we have to be true to ourselves. Plus, it’s not like we can CHANGE it. By the time you’ve read the book, IT IS FINISHED, so . . . well. Yeah. It’s done.
So, as long as you don’t expect that we’re actually going to go back and rewrite the book, and as long as the letter is friendly, this is cool. Sometimes, you guys know how to write a really funny letter of complaint about the way a story turned out. If you write us a hilarious letter, we love you and mentally give you a high-five.
#3 IF YOU ARE A BIG WEIRDO, YOU BECOME PART OF MY PERSONAL MENAGERIE OF FREAKS
This answer is pretty personal to me, because while pretty much everyone gets letters like the following, we all have different ways of dealing with it.
Below is an actual letter from an actual person, with the identifying bits removed, because I don’t want anyone hassling her.
Maureen
Since my middle-school library doesn’t a have viable collection of Christmas books, I was eager to add the “Let it Snow” book which included young adult Christmas stories. It sounded like such a good addition that I ordered five copies thinking than a number of students in my school might want to read it.
As I glanced through one of the copies before cataloging it, I was startled to read some inappropriate comments about “pole” dancing.** And it was mentioned in other places in connection with the name ‘Jubiliee.” I happened to love the name and know someone which that name, so I was appalled by how you trashed it by connecting it to “pole” dancing. And what is with adding pole dancing at all to a Christmas story for teenagers?
I was so disappointed and disheartened by what looks like a pretty trashy story for my middle school students. Needless to say I deleted all five copies and discarded them. Such a waste of resources and money. This kind of story would never pass my parent committee. but perhaps you don’t care or maybe this book was written for adults rather than kids.
In case you might think that I am a super-sensitive librarian, I have ordered thousands of books over the years and have a pretty good handle on which comprises good fiction for young adults.
The idea that someone—a LIBRARIAN no less—would only read the first few pages of a book, and then get so put off about a pretty innocent joke that merely refers to pole dancing . . . and then THROW AWAY five copies, taking them out of circulation . . . AND THEN write this utterly craptastic, weirdo letter to me about it, well . . .
I have a file in my inbox called “BIG WEIRDOS” for this exact purpose. The thing about Big Weirdos is that they usually don’t know they are big weirdos, as evidenced by the last line of the letter, in which the sender says that he or she has “a pretty good handle on which [sic] comprises good fictions for young adults.” Clearly, he or she has no such handle, and it has to be a violation of policy to order five books for a library and chuck them in the trash because you didn’t like something in the first three pages.
I use this letter just as an example, because it’s fairly recent, and it’s such a textbook piece of bad form. (And because he or she threw away five books, which, in my court, means that you deserve some kind of public shaming.) These kinds of complaints are as individual as snowflakes. Here is the question I ask myself each time I read one of these strange missives: “What exactly do you think I am going to say to this?” These letters are just long lecture on what you are like as a person, on your standards. It’s stated very clearly in this letter: “ . . . perhaps you don’t care or maybe this book was written for adults rather than kids.” Well, as for the second part of that statement, maybe the sender would have known the answer if he or she had read MORE THAN THREE PAGES. But the first part is what gets me. “Perhaps you don’t care.” I do nothing BUT care. Most of the authors I know do nothing BUT care. We include stuff because we think it is the right thing to do. If you don’t agree, that’s cool. If you send me a letter judging me and my standards, you get filed under Big Weirdos. Why? Because you ain’t got no manners. You’re trying to impose your world view on mine. And trust me, I thought about mine.
But this does not mean I do not want to hear from people like this. Know what I do with my file of Big Weirdos? Do you know how some people collect weird stuff, like the skeletons of two-headed animals, or freaky snakeskins, or stuffed birds of prey? Well, this is my own little collection of strange and wonderful objects. I sit and read them all when I am having a bad day. Your bonkery notes complete me. NEVER STOP SENDING THEM. Shine on, you crazy diamonds!
Welcome to my menagerie, my pretty!
#4 WE CANNOT DO YOUR HOMEWORK
Okay, back to an answer I think most authors, especially YA authors, will be able to get behind. If you want to make a YA author twitch,*** ask him or her about THE HOMEWORK LETTERS. Homework letters are letters requesting help with homework assignments—book reports, presentations, things like that.
Sometimes, people ask for a quote or an interview or answers to a few specifics about the story, and sometimes, authors can reply. But lots of times we can’t—again, not because we are mean and don’t like you, but simply because we do not have time. You can’t rely on our answers as a major component of your assignment. Write to us if you want, BUT ALSO START THE ASSIGNMENT. Look on our websites, if we have them. We may have pages that answer common questions. I have one right here, complete with a long disclaimer about homework right at the top. I tried my best to answer the questions I hear most frequently.
It’s quite common for people to write homework letters with not just one or two but DOZENS of questions. Again, you can send these if you want, but sending DOZENS of questions is probably not a great idea. Ideally, I think maybe three, tops.
Also, it is important to take into consideration the nature of the questions. Here are some actual questions I have been asked (more than once), and my answers.
Can you summarize the book for me?
No, I can’t. I spent a lot of time writing the whole thing out, so that’s the version I would like you to read. Also, it sort of sounds like you didn’t read it.
What are the symbols in this book?
I’m guessing that your assignment is to analyze the book. That is an excellent assignment! You are learning a valuable skill. I would actually be doing you a huge disservice if I even attempted to answer this question—because, again, I would be doing your homework for you. Analytical reading is a critical thing to learn, and if you don’t learn it, you may grow up to be a book banner or the kind of person who throws away five copies of a book after reading three pages.
Also, I think lots of symbols in books are either accidental or subconsciously planted, or even if they are intentional I am still not going to tell you because this is YOUR HOMEWORK.
What is the message/theme of this book?
The message is that I am still not going to do your homework.
What happens at the end of this book?
You didn’t read it, did you?
This paper is due in two weeks/four days/tomorrow/six hours so please answer these questions right away! I have included my phone number so you can just call me if that is easier.
Okay, this is the part that really makes us go nuts. It’s really rude to assume that an author—a professional adult person—is going to stop everything they are doing to deal with your homework. It just is. Maybe that sounds mean. I really hope it doesn’t, because I don’t mean it in a mean way. But this is something that really needs to be said. Also, I don’t think you should ever pass your phone number out to strangers.
(On this phone number note . . . Scott Westerfeld tells me that he once had a parent track down HIS phone number and call him to get homework answers for her kid. Parents: you should not be writing to us and doing your son or daughter’s homework. And for sure, you should not be calling us, because that means you are crazy. BOUNDARIES. WE HAZ THEM.)
I’ll get in trouble if you don’t reply . . .
Points for effort, but we are totally on to you. No responsible teacher would ever take you down a grade because a public figure didn’t reply to your letter.
So what does all of this mean? Am I saying that you shouldn’t write to authors and ask questions? NO WAY! You can absolutely do so! I’m just saying you shouldn’t:
- expect or depend upon a reply, because we might not be able to answer you, for all kinds of reasons
- impose deadlines on us, because that is just rude
- ask us things that are clearly and obviously the part of the assignment that you are supposed to do—or are things you could learn if you simply read the book
Most authors I know will do what they can to answer questions about what inspired the story or things like that—if they have time. Again, check to see if they haven’t answered these already on their websites or in interviews! The answer may very well be out there.
I really hope that none of this comes across as a rant. These are just my suggestions based on my experiences. And again, the most important thing is . . . WE REALLY DO APPRICIATE YOUR LETTERS. The only ones that are problems are the ones that are all GIMME, or DO THIS, or YOU SUCK AS A PERSON. And even then, it’s not like we hate the people who send those.**** They just aren’t very effective. And a lot of this is just general advice on how to write letters to ANYONE.
Any questions? Thoughts? LEAVE THEM IN THE COMMENTS!
* But how cool would that be, right?
** Here’s the entire pole dancing mention she’s referring to–it’s in the fifth paragraph, on the first page: “I realize Jubilee is a bit of a stripper name. You probably think I have heard the call of the pole. But no. If you saw me, you’d get the idea pretty quickly that I’m not a stripper.” That’s it. That’s the reason five books went in the trash.
*** And really, I couldn’t blame you if you did.
**** . . . usually
Posted: Saturday, March 13th, 2010 @ 7:13 pm
Categories: advice.
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March 13th, 2010 at 7:20 pm
That story about the librarian and the tossing the books… my jaw dropped when I read that. Tossing five books for that?
This was a very good post though. A very interesting read, even with the headshaking at the crazies.
March 13th, 2010 at 7:21 pm
I’m happy to call myself a fan of your work, and you. (Also proud to be a neighbor!) Thank you for being willing to communicate with us in the many ways that you do. You make life more interesting!
March 13th, 2010 at 7:24 pm
Expect an e-mail from me. I promise I’m nice and I don’t bite… often…
March 13th, 2010 at 7:24 pm
It’s a relief to actually here an author outright state that they like getting feedback in the form of letters. I’ve actually been in situations where authors seemed to turned off by the idea of fan letters that I just figured I shouldn’t bother writing to them. I’ve never actually received a reply to a letter I wrote to a public figure (Well…my senator wrote back, but he was really rude) but I like to think that maybe when I send out a message it might be a bright spot in that persons day.
As I do write, mostly just random fiction and fanfiction I know how nice it is to get feedback.
March 13th, 2010 at 7:24 pm
Miss Maureen, I appreciate you posting this. It’s pretty awesome. And that librarian is WACK.
March 13th, 2010 at 7:26 pm
I’m glad that you don’t take those kind of emails personally. Obviously you can’t please everyone and I’m sure for every person that has something negative to say their are tons that love you and your books (like me!).
I also think it’d be kind of fun if you posted some of your “big weirdo” letters more often. A Harry Potter fan site I used to frequent kept an ongoing list of their weird/hate mail. Very funny stuff!
March 13th, 2010 at 7:26 pm
Ha! LOL…I just wanted to say what a great article this was! I can’t BELIEVE a librarian would get rid of 5 books on an assumption. Because, that’s what it was…if she had read the whole thing…well then 5 books wouldn’t have gone to waste.
Good points….
March 13th, 2010 at 7:28 pm
Yeah, so I’m pretty sure you should post more of these crackpot e-mails. =P
March 13th, 2010 at 7:29 pm
I think you should do an entry just about the craziest mail you have ever gotten. That would be amusing.
March 13th, 2010 at 7:29 pm
It’s funny the kind of expectations people have on public figures. It must get real old, real fast.
What I’d like to know is:
1) Do you have a daily quota? Wordwise, of course.
2) How do get / stay motivated to sit down and write everyday?
3) Why do you wear those damn fingerless gloves?
March 13th, 2010 at 7:30 pm
I’m surprised at that particular librarian, most of them are a bit more open minded than that.
Thank you for being so open with your readers! You make me laugh daily!
March 13th, 2010 at 7:31 pm
What an excellent post! I agree about the HW questions- that’s terrible! Also- WOW- can’t believe the nerve of that librarian, to actually throw 5 books in the trash! And she thinks she knows YA lit!
Again great post & and keep on writing
March 13th, 2010 at 7:32 pm
I plan to send you a letter now, and yell at you because Scarlett is a stripper name.. or something like that.
But seriously, I find it pretty funny that teachers/librarians constantly try to convince you to read a whole book before you judge it, whereas in this case, less than a paragraph caused for 5 copies of an excellent book to be “discarded”.. sad, just sad.
March 13th, 2010 at 7:32 pm
Woah. It would never occur to me to have the author of a book do my homework. Much less my child’s homework… Parents are very strange creatures…
March 13th, 2010 at 7:32 pm
should I stop calling authors (mainly you, maureen) at one in the morning asking them if their refrigerator is running and telling them to go catch it? but it’s so fun…
March 13th, 2010 at 7:33 pm
Good post! I have to say, I did a lot of reading as a kid (still do!) but I never thought to write to an author. I think I just figured they are like celebrities to me and would either just never see the mail or have no time to answer it.
I do have to say I get quite giddy when authors answer me back on Twitter. It totally makes my day.
/and crazies certainly do make life all that much more interesting, don’t they? ^_^
March 13th, 2010 at 7:33 pm
Hilarious and informative AS ALWAYS.
There’s nothing more fun than reading your blogs xD
March 13th, 2010 at 7:34 pm
Great post.
Hopefully there will come a time when children and adults can choose for themselves what they will read. It is all about choice and variety and I am sure this librarian (or any others that have done similar) would not appreciate having their reading material chosen for them.
Hooray for authors that challenge us and allow us to expand our mind.
March 13th, 2010 at 7:34 pm
I sure hope that librarian’s friend isn’t secretly a pole dancer…
March 13th, 2010 at 7:38 pm
That librarian reminds me of a woman in the bookshop I used to work in. Her son wanted to buy Gone by Michael Grant, and she told him, “You’re not getting that book, it’s too weird.” this woman ruined her son’s chance to read a great book because of her own personal views on a book she’s clearly never read (she displayed no interest in the books, except in getting her children to read from that section…). I was outraged, but I couldn’t do anything. She didn’t know I’d heard her, and she never thought to ask about the book. People like her make me sick – there’s enough hate towards a particular type of YA book without kids being told away from them by ignorant patents!
March 13th, 2010 at 7:39 pm
Maureen, you are brilliant. I’m not an author, but I get these kinds of emails all the time… especially the homework ones. I’ve pretty much memorized my answers to the same 10 questions everyone asks, except they get less and less enthusiastic every time. I enjoyed this post a lot.
March 13th, 2010 at 7:39 pm
Gee, now I kind of want to write a crazy letter ranting about something like how
YOUR CASUAL INCLUSION OF JARS IN YOUR TWEETS IS AGAINST MY MORALS! I DON’T WANT YOU TO TAKE MY ESSENCE! IT’S MINE, MINE I TELL YOU! YOU WILL BE PUNISHED SEVERELY BY THE MAGICAL EVIL PENGUIN OF DOOM! OF DOOOOOM!!!
March 13th, 2010 at 7:40 pm
Really good, helpful and funny blogpost! Thanks for brightening my day! I might even write to you now that I know you answer letters… *gets out pen and paper* *writes*
March 13th, 2010 at 7:41 pm
She threw them out? Really? Like into the trash? She couldn’t even RECYCLE them, or like… use the pages in a productive way, such as arts and crafts or the daily care of small rodents? This makes me really want to be a librarian, so I can do a better job…. or never, ever be a librarian, so I don’t have to spend my days with lunatics who don’t love the earth. Failure.
March 13th, 2010 at 7:43 pm
Great post!
One of my friends just e-mailed me today…she wrote an author a fb message (his fb was linked to his author website) and he replied with “Don’t ever message me again.” Yikes! Her message was very nice, and it was just asking a very simple question…I thought that reply was a little harsh.
Luckily I’ve had nothing but good experiences contacting authors.
Y’all have been nice to me!
March 13th, 2010 at 7:43 pm
This was a really informative blog. I’m sorry so many people seem to e-mail you to help them with their homework! But I think you conveyed your point in a way that wasn’t all, “She’s a meany and I hate her!”
March 13th, 2010 at 7:44 pm
This actually makes me sort of sad — all the things that people write you for! If I were an author (which I hope to be some day) those letters would drive me crazy!!
March 13th, 2010 at 7:44 pm
I would so dearly love to see more of your weirdo letters. Seriously. That’s just entertaining as all get out.
March 13th, 2010 at 7:45 pm
I can’t believe someone, a librarian, would toss away five books for that! It’s disgusting!
I want to tell this woman to send anything she considers to be a ‘pretty trashy story’ my way!
I’m too shy to send letters to authors… instead I just sing praises about them to all my friends. hehe
March 13th, 2010 at 7:45 pm
I kind of want to write you a crazy letter for no reason, but I can’t think of anything “mean” to say.
I really enjoy the fact that you are so willing to talk to us, either via twitter or replying to our blog comments. I like knowing that if I have a really random question that literally has nothing to do with anything of importance that you will, usually, give a equally random nonsencical answer.
I like getting to know you, as much as someone can get to know someone they’ve never met through the internet. It makes reading your books like reading a book written by a friend instead of some 3X4 inch photograph on the back cover of a book.
Thanks for being awesome Maureen Johnson. <3
March 13th, 2010 at 7:47 pm
Carolyn See, in her writer’s advice book Making A Literary Life, encourages future authors to write a nice note to an author once per day, five days a week …
…ok, so that’s a little overboard for me. But since reading it, I’ve definitely dropped friendly notes to authors I admire, telling them how much I like their work. I don’t expect to hear back, but sometimes I do. It always makes my day, and I figure it’s good karma for when my book finally comes out. I want SOMEONE to email me and tell me they liked it!
March 13th, 2010 at 7:47 pm
I am completely shocked that someone would throw away books. Let alone throw them away because they figure they know that the books are inappropriate after only reading a few pages!
Thank you so much for this post, it was very helpful. And those Wierdo Letters? We want to see more!
March 13th, 2010 at 7:48 pm
I’ve never written to any authors and I like to think that a part of the reasoning behind that is that authors must get tons of fan mail and why rave to a writer whose heard it all before? Is this logical? Do I need to tell you these things or do you appreciate not using your time to read email when you could be writing more books?
P.S. My other reason is that I wouldn’t really know what to say. You can only say “I love your books” in so many ways before it gets dull.
March 13th, 2010 at 7:49 pm
Expect an email from me…
You have been warned.
March 13th, 2010 at 7:50 pm
POLE DANCING?!!????!! HOW DARE YOU?!
March 13th, 2010 at 7:50 pm
That’s a great blog about common sense
The part with the librarian makes me very angry! You should make a book about those weirdos
March 13th, 2010 at 7:51 pm
I hate how ignorant people are about banning books. Plus, it’s just ASKING for people to become delinquents. PEOPLE NEED BOOKS!!!!!
WAY TO GO, librarian. WAY. TO. GO.
March 13th, 2010 at 7:52 pm
The fact that the librarian threw the books away makes me very sad. I would kill for a copy of Let it Snow, and there are FIVE in a landfill somewhere. *grumble*
March 13th, 2010 at 7:52 pm
I think you explained this very well, and realistically gave genuine advice. Thank you!
March 13th, 2010 at 7:52 pm
So you’re reading this right now? Eep! I’m glad you take the approach of being available to your fans because your tweets always make me laugh (and I’m a proud supporter of the #nopants movement).
I can relate to bad homework questions, as a TA I get undergrads trying to get me to do their work for them and then yelling at me when they don’t get the mark they think they deserve.
If you’re looking for more weirdo emails: http://emailsfromcrazypeople.com/
This site makes me laugh far too much.
Cheers!
Jen
March 13th, 2010 at 7:55 pm
No need to worry about me asking for homework help – I’m the teacher
March 13th, 2010 at 7:56 pm
Hearing about people throw away books just makes me very sad. I am a person who would love to have unlimited money to buy books, so when I hear about them being thrown away, it just kills me. Love your books and I, for one, laughed out loud at the pole dancer thing.
March 13th, 2010 at 7:56 pm
Question: Just out of curiosity, who was the author that responded to your letter?
Comment: I love that the librarian assumes that her students a) don’t already know what pole-dancing is and furthermore b) don’t already make off-color jokes about that girl named Candee in their fourth period class, even if she’s a trig whiz with coke-bottle glasses.
I hate this censorship under the guise of “protect the children.” All readers, not just teens want the books they read to reflect their life in some way, for the characters to feel real. If we keep trying to hand teens books with sanitized, infantilized versions of who older people want them to be, they just won’t read.
.
I wasn’t a teen that long ago (I’m 22 now) but the books that we passed around in high school were the ones that really addressed all the things we were going through at the time. Also the ones that were just a little bit sexy
Gimme Gimme: Also, I was wondering if you could write 1,000 words about the doughnut-sock motif in Scarlett Fever? I need it, like really really soon. You can deliver it to me orally if you want. Should I just call you at your personal number?
Kidding.
March 13th, 2010 at 8:01 pm
Great post!
I sure wish I could have listened to the phone conversation with that parent and Scott. Some people…
March 13th, 2010 at 8:01 pm
I love that your website is full of so much information that’s useful to fans like me. I have been writing and reading since I could hold a writing utensil and I simply cannot understand why anyone would *shudder* put a book in the GARBAGE!! It’s terrible. The author/authors took a lot of time into writing the book and you should take that into consideration. What is your favorite email from a fan?
March 13th, 2010 at 8:01 pm
It really is nice to hear that I’m not upsetting an author when I send them mail. I’ve only sent two letters before, and that was when I was twelve or thirteen and just took not getting a response as the author hating my letters, therefore hating me. Luckily I’ve learned since then that authors are quite (extremely!) busy people, and get several letter other than mine. Hah
How in the world did that librarian get offended?! It mentions in no way that the name should be linked to pole dancing or any other such things. That’s insane! I wish I would’ve been there. I totally would have dug through to trash and snuck them home
March 13th, 2010 at 8:01 pm
I feel like librarians should prrrrrrrobably have to undergo a “sense of humor” exam before setting foot behind a library desk.
Also, thanks for making me laugh on a daily basis.
March 13th, 2010 at 8:02 pm
Thing 1: CRAZY LIBRARIAN! good lord, you’d think someone in that position would KNOW that a single joke in one page of the book is not going to be representative of the rest of it. (Athough, well, she might have had a problem with the cheerleader bit later on on grounds of objectification. I laughed, but a lot of people, particularly her type, might not realize that that whole bit was very tongue-in-cheek.)
Thing 2: It confuses me that kids write to you and ask these kinds of questions because it is apparent that by doing so they are being lazy. When in fact it would take LESS effort to look up the answers on your site. I think you’ve done a great job answering those common questions. Thanks for doing that, I think it’s really thoughtful!
Thing 3: I’m also curious about FrederickL’s question- DO you have a quota and if so what kind or what is it? (side note: NO Maureen, twitter updates don’t count, though I know they are oh-so-helpful in the procrastination process.)
Thing 4:OOOH, SIGNED SCARLETT FEVER? Shiny!
March 13th, 2010 at 8:02 pm
Man, you need to show us more weirdo letters! I am certain there are some that are more amusing than what you showed us! (Because throwing away books is just depressing rather than amusing)
I am also amused that kids write to authors to do their homework for them! That’s pretty crazy…
March 13th, 2010 at 8:02 pm
I can only imagine the sorts of things you have in your ‘Weirdos’ box if this librarian is indicative of the quality to be found. And regarding the homework question, I must sympathize. I worked as one of the Editors for my high school and I was immediately bombarded with Facebook messages asking me to proof read (or indeed, rewrite) essays from all sorts of subjects, many of which I hadn’t taken or were on books I hadn’t read, on that quality alone. The sheer increase from being a published, decently well-known author might lead to early onset baldness simply from me tearing my hair out.
Funny read, all together. Thank you for that, Maureen.
March 13th, 2010 at 8:02 pm
I’m with Runa- You should do a post similar to DaphneUn’s AMQ, except you just post the wacky crazy emails that you get… This also makes me feel so much better that I really only @reply you on Twitter. Multi-task on!
March 13th, 2010 at 8:04 pm
I don’t know if I could keep a Big Weirdo file . . . Whenever I hear about people who do or say incredibly stupid things because they don’t have the mental fortitude to think before they act, I just get angry and I want to forcibly insert common sense into their heads. I can definitely see the entertainment value, but there’s a thick glass window of “For the Love of Small Woodland Creatures, Use Your Brain for Two Seconds in a Row” between me and the entertainment.
March 13th, 2010 at 8:04 pm
My mother is a teacher and she comes home with some crazy stories about parents doing homework for students as well as the ways that students attempt to get out of doing homework. Your books are amazing and you are very funny. I love reading your blog and twitter!
March 13th, 2010 at 8:07 pm
I’m a bit older than your average fan, but I love how much contact you have with us! I used to dig through card catalogs to find old magazines with interviews from the authors I liked, so I mean, going to a website is SO MUCH EASIER.
March 13th, 2010 at 8:07 pm
You rock…. And I’m sad as a future librarian that she threw your books away. Really? So not jokes.
March 13th, 2010 at 8:07 pm
That letter really was an eye-opener. It’s a scary thought that someone that narrow-minded has so much control over what is available to young people.
March 13th, 2010 at 8:07 pm
Wow, a librarian throwing away five books just like that? Weird. I wouldn’t throw away any book I have… except for the one I had to read for class last year. It told the reader to avoid long sentences and did this with the longest sentences I’ve ever seen. One of our teachers made a note about it so he could use it as an example of how you shouldn’t write. But I’m not going to throw it away, at least not now. I’ll try to sell or give it away first. There might be some unlucky students that also have to read it for class…
March 13th, 2010 at 8:07 pm
See, this just made me want to write a weirdo letter just in the hope of being added to a menagerie. <_<
Fantastic post, though. I'm always really nervous about writing to authors. I want to let them know how much I loved their book(s), and how they inspire me to keep writing, and I like to think it would make them happy, but then I'm scared that's all egotistical. Your post made me feel like I should write to them more.
(…On that note, expect an e-mail from me sometime soon.)
March 13th, 2010 at 8:08 pm
Wat the fudge?!?! That person should have given the books to me :/
March 13th, 2010 at 8:09 pm
I can’t believe she threw the books away. She really was a BIG WEIRDO!
You are quite the character!! I really enjoyed reading what you had to say on the topic!!
Thanks!
March 13th, 2010 at 8:09 pm
Throwing away any kind of book is equal to . . . any of the seven deadly sins in my mind.
March 13th, 2010 at 8:10 pm
I think librarians like that shouldn’t be librarians at all.
Oh, and you should show us some more letters from the BIG WEIRDOS box.
March 13th, 2010 at 8:10 pm
It’s sort of odd. When I read this I thought “Hopefully if I get a book published it won’t be popular enough to get so many letters.” But then I realized. “What am I saying?! Of course I’d want my book to be read by enough people that they’d want to send so many letters!” After all, The only reason I want to write is so that I can tell people stories.
It’s ridiculous that a librarian would throw out 5 books because of 38 words arranged into 3 sentences. From the way her letter was written, it almost sounds like she didn’t even get to the “I’m not a stripper” part. Since she complained about it connecting the name Jubilee to pole dancers.
March 13th, 2010 at 8:10 pm
As someone who wants to be a librarian someday, that letter was absolutely appalling. Librarians are supposed to stand up for freedom of speech, not censorship without any merit at all. It was a joke!
I can’t believe kids actually try to get you to do their homework for them. actually, I can but as an English major I have to shake my head at them. Really? You can’t read a <300 page book? Really? Your books are much more enjoyable than something like The Heart of Darkness :shudder: (apologies to anyone who likes the Heart of Darkness, but its a bad high school memory)
Thanks for this and I hope I get to meet you at the LA Times festival of Books!
March 13th, 2010 at 8:11 pm
I am still appalled by that letter from a librarian. What sort of person who has made their career out of books *throws them away*? After only reading three pages! Unbelievable.
But thank you for this advice! I have yet to try to write to my favorite authors, mostly because I have figured they’re getting piles and piles, and mine would go forever unseen. So I think I will write now, but I promise: no homework questions!
Thank you!
-Claudia
March 13th, 2010 at 8:12 pm
I remember in elementary school, grade 7 or 8, someone tried to use as an excuse for not finishing an assignment on time, that they tried to contact the author of the book and were still waiting for a response. I couldn’t believe that, did the student really think it would be that simple, or fast? (we had only been given a week for the project, and it was fairly short). The whole class was reading the same book, what if everyone had done that? Hopefully many people read this and learn something from it.
March 13th, 2010 at 8:14 pm
What happens if you get an email in code? Do you decode it? What if it’s a really AWESOME code?
March 13th, 2010 at 8:15 pm
GREAT post! I’m am SOOO thankful for the great librarian at MY school right now! Whew – glad we have him!
Also, thanks for telling students to do their own work. (But I guess this means you wouldn’t be willing to grade papers for me, would you? haha jk)
March 13th, 2010 at 8:16 pm
Thanks for this awesome blog post. While I have never (thankfully) done any of these things when writing to an author, I at least now have a resource to look back on next time I send an e-mail to an author. Though, I’m usually in the praise e-mail category.
And I concur that throwing books away should have a public shaming punishment. We should get on this.
March 13th, 2010 at 8:17 pm
Wow…it shocks me that someone would throw away five perfectly good copies of a book after barely reading one, much less a librarian.
I also loved what you said about weirdos not knowing they’re weird. It’s the number one surefire sign of a weirdo.
(More Big Weirdos letters, plz…kthxbai!)
March 13th, 2010 at 8:18 pm
Also want to agree with above commenter “MB” about how exciting it is when an author connects to readers on twitter. It might seem like a small thing, but authors feel like these distant all powerful figures sometimes, and when a writer who (whom? must have skipped grammar class that day) you really admire recognizes something you said, it makes a big difference.
Maureen once answered one of my questions on twitter and it totally made my day.
RL Stine, who was a complete rock star to me as a kid also once @replied me about something I said. The 7-year-old in me about peed her stirrup-footed stretchy pants (the 7 year old in me will also never forgive her mother for sending her to school in said pants). I was talking to frakking RL Stine about the Twilight Zone! This is why I love ze internetz.
March 13th, 2010 at 8:18 pm
MJ, this post (like all of your blog posts) was very entertaining! You always amuse me with your blog and your Twitter…you’re definitely one of the most interesting people I follow!
I also love all of your books and I think it’s ridiculous that a librarian, of all people, would make the decision to trash five books because of one reference. I’m glad you can find entertainment in these crazy people’s letters, though, and not let them get to you!
March 13th, 2010 at 8:22 pm
I find it ridiculous that someone would throw away 5 books, let alone a librarian!
I never really thought about writing to an author, which probably sounds really bad, but I guess I figured they get enough as is. Great post though, it’s nice to know what authors think about their fan mail. It’s also very interesting to read the weird emails you get!
March 13th, 2010 at 8:22 pm
Well, MJ, all I have to say after reading this is that you SUCK AS A PERSON! However, I want a free signed copy of a book from a really SUCKY author, so I guess I’ll put up with your SUCKY blog. I do love your tweets, though.
March 13th, 2010 at 8:23 pm
This was definitely a good post.
I always wonder how authors would feel if I just wrote to them to tell them how their book affected my life, or really spoke to me, or what have you. I just always assume that authors get so many of those, it would just get lost with the rest of them anyway. :p
PS – Aquarius is the best sign there is
(yes, I read your FAQ page when you linked to it, even though I had already read it)
March 13th, 2010 at 8:23 pm
Also, I’d like to say that every time you retweet one of my tweets (I think you’ve done it twice.. I’m phoenxinthenite), I do a happy dance.
March 13th, 2010 at 8:24 pm
Silly librarian, who would throw out a book? It would be better (if you were absolutely apposed to the book) to donate it or at least recycle it
On that note, I think it is really great that you take the time to actually read everything, I never thought authors would since authors are to me as musicians and actors are to other people. I never thought of them as having the time.
Thank you for being such an amazing person/author.
March 13th, 2010 at 8:26 pm
Yay! Now you’ve answered all those homework-y questions in one convenient place for anyone thinking of writing you to do their homework! (I still am kinda baffled that people really do that.) Sadly, I have to wonder how many of them will go to the trouble of writing you but not to read this. I mean, it is kinda long, Maureen. And you are hilarious, but that didn’t entice them to read your book, either, haha.
Thanks for making me laugh, and for being so accessible.
March 13th, 2010 at 8:34 pm
Would you suggest author as a career track for people who want more email then? I mean, I check my inbox like once every day at least, and yet I will only get an actual real message from somebody, that is only for me once in about a week. BTW that is a rhetorical question; you don’t need to answer me, of COURSE author is a good career choice for people who want email.
March 13th, 2010 at 8:36 pm
I have been putting off writing letters to my favorite authors, because that little part of me feels like you (plural) have better things to do than read emails gushing about how great you are.
Now I know better. People LIKE being complimented. SO WEIRD.
March 13th, 2010 at 8:39 pm
is the 2nd paragraph missing a word? you do get more mail now than before the internet, right?
March 13th, 2010 at 8:40 pm
Wow, the story about the librarian is so ludicrous. The fact that a grown adult would think that it is horrible for a “nice” name to be connected with “trashy” things in a FICTION story is ridiculous! Being 13, and very enamored with your books, I would consider emailing you to tell you how much I love your writing, but I would never even think about writing some of those things that other people did, because they are just unbelievably rude and plain annoying to the author! Also, don’t worry about the coming of as mean, because it was completely understandable, and like you mentioned, needed to be said.
One again, I really enjoy your books, so next time you are at any event or reading or anything in NYC, be sure to tell us via Twitter, because I know that I would love to come!
March 13th, 2010 at 8:40 pm
Great piece on how to write and not write to authors! I love your style, Maureen. You are hilarious!
March 13th, 2010 at 8:42 pm
That shocks me (though I have no idea why) that people would write to you asking you to summarize your book or any other question that blatantly gives away the fact that they didn’t read any of it and they think this assignment is a waste of time.
Great advice, it’s nice hearing about what goes through your head when you read fan mail =)
March 13th, 2010 at 8:45 pm
I am always appalled at the closed mindedness of people. Wasting taxpayers money without even reading the book is foolish. Parents should be the ones to decide what their child reads.
I think it is wise advice you offer, Maureen. I would rather have my favorite authors writing books than being sucked into the email vortex. Keep on writing!
March 13th, 2010 at 8:50 pm
Haha! This is a great blog, Maureen! I can’t believe people would be so lazy as to not read your book when it was assigned! I would be sooo happy if my teacher assigned one of your books for us to read, but sadly it hasn’t happened. You’re an awesome blogger/author/tweeter!!!
March 13th, 2010 at 9:03 pm
Pretty sure that’s against the Librarian Code or something… But I sure wish my librarian would buy 5 (5?!?!) copies of Let It Snow. Which I recently ordered and will be waiting for me at the post office when I get home!
March 13th, 2010 at 9:10 pm
Public shaming indeed for all those who relate books to trash in anyway. trash talking or just throwing them in the trash. you would think a librairian no less would have heard the term don’t judge a book by its cover( or by the fifth paragraph)
and on the matter of old school, letter sending i think i might take the time to crack out that old pencil and paper just for a little nostalgic blast from the past
March 13th, 2010 at 9:18 pm
you are awesome
March 13th, 2010 at 9:19 pm
I think it’s incredible the way you keep up with your fanbase. I have a tremendous amount of respect for that. :]
I’m also at a loss as to why the librarian didn’t just go sell the books. She could at least have gotten something out of it that way.
Maybe she’s the one named Jubilee and she took it as a personal slight. :]
March 13th, 2010 at 9:29 pm
this post is too long. can you summarize it for me? what happens at the end?
March 13th, 2010 at 9:32 pm
Thanks for the tips, Marueen! (:
I was glad to hear that you won’t hate me if I use bad grammar…. i’
m usually pretty good, but once I was writing to an author and got kind of paranoid about it… XD
And the story about the librarian? Wow. If two sentences about a stripper cause the book to be trashed… that’s gonna be a pretty empty library.
(Personally, that stripper line is one of my favorites in the story!)
March 13th, 2010 at 9:32 pm
Interesting post, mj. Useful, too. *throws out box of to-be-mailed letters*
And you know how in webbrowsers, a picture shows up in the tab? Like a T for twitter or whatever? Well, on your blog, it’s just a big ol’ picture of YOU.
March 13th, 2010 at 9:32 pm
A wall of shame from wierdo emailers would be an AWESOME addition to your website. Sure it could be viewed as malicious, but I would check in everyday for hilarious updates ^^
March 13th, 2010 at 9:35 pm
Oh, censorship. It amazes me every time I hear about selective weeding or purchasing – librarians aren’t taught to do this – we are very much taught not to do this! And librarians should know better than to judge a book by only 3 pages! But, I guess everyone has a cause near and dear to their hearts and his/hers was the sanctity of the name Jubilee. That was the librarian’s name, wasn’t it? You wrote that as an insult aimed solely at her, right? That’s not very nice, Maureen.
I completely sympathize on the kids (more kids than teens at my library do this) expecting you to do their homework for them. Especially the parents expecting you to do their kids’ homework for them. It makes me cringe.
I’m not big on writing letters, so I’ll just tell you here you have a lot of fans at my library! We’re looking forward to Scarlett Fever and The 13th Little Blue Envelope!
Cari
March 13th, 2010 at 9:35 pm
My friend Leah and I wrote you an email because you totally connected us through your awesome ning. Seriously. And even though there wasn’t any reply, it’s exciting to know you actually read the message JUST the same!
=D
You crack me up.
March 13th, 2010 at 9:36 pm
Love it!
March 13th, 2010 at 9:36 pm
I don’t even read all the email my dad sends me. I can’t even imagine what a commitment it must be to read every single email you receive.
Keep being awesome!
March 13th, 2010 at 9:53 pm
Thank you for this blog post! It comes at such perfect timing- my middle school students are starting a book project, and one of the choices they can choose is writing to an author. I am planning on showing your blog entry to my students.
I couldn’t believe the letter from the crazy librarian though! And really, anyone who would throw out books, or judge them based on a few pages, really should NOT be a librarian.
Also, I would *love* to win the signed copy of your book. I have a great spot for it in my classroom library
March 13th, 2010 at 9:53 pm
While we’re on the subject, I have a paper due in FIVE MINUTES on Scarlett Fever, so give me a call at (902)555-2354 and you can tell me how it ends!
HURRY!
March 13th, 2010 at 9:56 pm
I am laughing so hard at the Scott Westerfield story, you have no idea. Now I want to call up all of my favorite authors for homework help. “Yo, Gaiman, I need answers, man.”
And, ugh, throwing away five perfectly good, perfectly hilarious and heart-warming books because of a brief reference to a pole dancer. Sick as it is, is it terrible that I find neither of these shenanigans surprising? People are just so strange sometimes, and not always in a good way.
Anyway, I’m a long-time lurker of your blog and I’ve finally decided to come out of my little cave and comment. Your posts always cheer me up. Stay awesome.
March 13th, 2010 at 9:59 pm
It never fails to astonish me what people find to be too “inappropriate” to be YA content.
I’m so glad to hear that you like receiving letters from readers. I really appreciate the time you take to respond to us both as readers and as young writers.
March 13th, 2010 at 10:03 pm
A library throwing away 5 Let it Snows? because she deemed them inapropreate? That’s rather horrible. I also can’t believe people write in to you asking you to do their homework!
March 13th, 2010 at 10:05 pm
I LOVED this. It was fantastic. So funny and – when you think about it – filled with COMMON SENSE. Which I know alot of people are severely lacking in…
And I think I found a typo:
“obviously the part of the assignment that you are suppose to do”
Should there be a ‘d’ at the end of ’suppose’?
Love ya, MJ!
March 13th, 2010 at 10:09 pm
I’m a writer and a teacher, and occasionally I do book reviews on my blog. (I’m multi-talented, I know.)
NOTHING gets on my nerves more when a person (usually with teeth-gratingly bad grammar) demands to know something that is obviously a question from a homework assignment. SO RUDE! Why should I do their homework for them?! It gets on both my teacher nerve AND my writer nerve, and makes my head explode, which is rather messy to clean.
Hurrah for this post!
March 13th, 2010 at 10:21 pm
I really want to be in your list of crazy emails. I think I’ll have to come up with something insane to send you now . . .
Haha. I loved this blog post! It made my day =]
March 13th, 2010 at 10:24 pm
Not only educational but completely entertaining! Well done. It makes me shutter because I’ve stumbled onto a few blogs of young’ens and they write on there like they talk. I can only imagine the sort of letters you’d receive. And hopefully, I really wasn’t like that as a kid.
March 13th, 2010 at 10:35 pm
Well, thank you for this advice post! Now, whenever I get around to writing you about your books, I’ll know what to do so as not to end up in your MENAGERIE OF WEIRDOS.
And Let it Snow was an amazing, extremely non-inappropriate book. That person was indeed crazy.
Anyway, yay for more mj blogs!
Also…Scarlett Fever?
-alex
March 13th, 2010 at 10:35 pm
What kind of blasphemous librarian would throw out a book!? Not just throw out the book, but then mail the author to tell them they threw it out. I hope she is licked to death by butterflies.
March 13th, 2010 at 10:52 pm
Wow. I cannot believe that librarian threw away those amazing books! I absolutely loved Let It Snow, which I read for the first time this last December. As person who aspires to be a librarian someday, I just want you to know MJ, that I will never do that to ANY book. Kids and teens are perfectly capable of picking the books that they want to read! Why is that so hard for (small-minded) adults to understand? Oh, and if I ever run my own library, of course I will have multiple copies of your books.
March 13th, 2010 at 10:54 pm
Interesting (hilarious) post! I’ve never actually written to an author before. I have lots of authors that I love/worship, don’t get me wrong. However, I’ve always figured they wouldn’t really like to receive “flail-y” little notes from fans and that they’d probably delete it like spam. But I see things in a totally different light now, so thanks for that! You rock.
March 13th, 2010 at 10:55 pm
This makes me want to write weird letters to you all the time, just to make it into your weirdo folder… I don’t know if I could be outright critical of your work right away because I enjoy it so, but maybe in time I could get there. I think I should probably stick to just being weird for at least the first few letters just so I can ease into it. I think that this is a viable plan.
March 13th, 2010 at 10:55 pm
This is such a funny post! I’m going to have to tell the ladies at work about your Wierdo Librarian and Scott’s stalker parent. I work in a small school of only 135 kids and we cheriesh every book we get for our tiny library and would NEVER think of tossing one out. That really is heartbreaking to hear. Well thanks for sharing and I’m now going to be giggling all night about this post. Thanks!
Trini
March 13th, 2010 at 11:00 pm
I love your blog posts; they are so helpful (and funny).
And while I realise one of the points was not to impose deadlines, please write blogs more often.
But I guess I can wait for BEDA for really regular ones.
March 13th, 2010 at 11:01 pm
I love how much authors seem to love librarians… I’m thinking in particular of John Green, who seems to place his entire hope for the future of literature and literacy in good librarians. It makes me sad that many people (even people who love things as awesome as books) are still so close-minded and judgmental.
Your “Let it Snow” story was what got me hooked on your writing. Even if it DID talk about “pole” dancing.
March 13th, 2010 at 11:03 pm
You see, these sorts of blogs are so helpful! To think of all of te public figures I will now be able to contact without feeling like an idiot…or at least acting like one!
March 13th, 2010 at 11:08 pm
It’s weird to hear of librarians throwing books out, of all people.
I just got a very clear picture in my head of a raccoon finding the books in the trash, taking them out, and starting a little raccoon library. That was weird.
March 13th, 2010 at 11:10 pm
I can’t imagining writing to an author asking them for help with an assignment, let alone attempting to impose a deadline. That is 100% ridiculous. Where has respect gone in my generation?!
And that librarian… oy. What a mess.
March 13th, 2010 at 11:13 pm
How do you throw out a book?!? A NEW BOOK?!? 5 NEW BOOKS?!?… sorry, now that that’s out of my system…
I don’t think you sounded ranty at all, I think you were reasonable & witty & whatnot [as per usual <3]
Omg that poor Scott Westerfield… I'd be running around my house closing all the curtains & bolting all the doors after that phone call [not to mention changing my number].
I'm so happy you're blogging again!! =D
Do you have a separate shelf for Jarred Weirdos?
March 13th, 2010 at 11:19 pm
Great blog…I always thought authors would be annoyed by 14 billion letters saying “ohmygod, your book was like, super great”. Guess not. And that is pretty sad about the librarian. I’m glad my boss is nothing like that. But If there is one thing I’ve learned while working at a library its that some people are just genuinely ignorant. Which Is sad. For them.
March 13th, 2010 at 11:30 pm
I hope you know you have broken something shiny and precious inside of me. Ranting is all well and good… but publicly admitting you do not gather together in creepy old castles to write by the flicker of candle-light as the wind moans in the background? That’s just harsh. *tear*
Ye gads! I read this… and kind of want to give you a hug. In a non-creepy Hell-yes-I-have-boundaries-and-respect-them-in-others kind of way. Please file me under “adoring fangirl” and not Creepy Weirdo, if you could.
*loves*
March 13th, 2010 at 11:37 pm
first of all when i had to do book reports of presentations on books i was more worried about getting it done then worring about writing to an author and praying they’d answer in time/at all. and people who do expect you/authors in general to answer questions for their homework are INSANE! do they honestly think that the author they’re writing to actually has the time to answer them?!
and second of all….maybe i should write you an email now that i know you read all of them…*ponders*
*sees flash* OOOO SOMETHING SHINY! XD
March 13th, 2010 at 11:50 pm
Maybe part of the reason kids ask for homework-related help online (not just from authors) is that they simply don’t know it’s bad form, especially younger kids. Imagine being born into a world that increasingly relies on the internet to function—paying bills, getting news, or even shopping around for a car/house/spouse. Kids have access to vast social networks and a seemingly limitless store of information, and that may change the way they view certain things…like homework.
Please understand, I am in no way condoning this, but I can understand why some kids might think it’s okay to ask authors for homework-help. I mean, people and information are so much more accessible nowadays, and Myspace and Facebook and Twitter make it seem so normal to connect with people online. So a kid who wants help (or doesn’t want to do the work or is simply used to googling everything) might not think twice about going to the internet; and since people are so accessible, why not go directly to the source?
As for the parents who do that…well, that’s just weird.
March 13th, 2010 at 11:57 pm
Where can I apply to become a member of the Grand Counsil of Authors? PLEASE RESPOND ASAP OR I WILL LOSE MY JOB!!!!!!!
March 13th, 2010 at 11:59 pm
lol, i need to read your blogs more often.
i dont think i’ve ever emailed you a question, but i have emailed John Green before, twice. Neither time was about books, but he did answer my questions. It tottaly made my day
oh and btw, thanks for adding me on facebook.
that made my day too
March 14th, 2010 at 12:02 am
I like Maureen Johnson but I like potential free stuff more.
March 14th, 2010 at 12:09 am
I’m saddened by the fact that there are librarians like that. It makes me feel super thankful to have such awesome librarians at my school.
March 14th, 2010 at 12:18 am
If I mail you my free monkey’s shirt, will you sign it?
March 14th, 2010 at 12:37 am
I love following you on twitter and am highly amused by your antics. Thanks for making yourself so available, even if it does open you up to lots of letters from big weirdos (Throwing away five books without even reading them…seriously? Who does that?) I’m looking forward to the continuing adventures of Scarlett.
March 14th, 2010 at 12:40 am
Oh, letters. I would love to get mail from crazy people, for it amuses me – but perhaps it would be less amusing if it were directed (and angrily) at me rather than at someone else who can deal with it with deep amusement.
March 14th, 2010 at 12:41 am
Some of my favourite childhood memories involve meeting authors at school visits. I hate that people abuse the ease of technology. It’s such a gift to have access to authors and to get an intimate glimpse into the writing world.
March 14th, 2010 at 12:43 am
This is all excellent advice, which I intend to take into account when I decide to write to an author in the future.
Also, anyone who throws out five books (especially under the given circumstances) is clearly… well, not quite right.
Finally, I agree that it would be highly amusing to read other BIG WEIRDO emails…
March 14th, 2010 at 12:44 am
I was highly amused by the starting paragraph of your story in “Let It Snow.” It was hilarious, because Jubilee really is such a bad name….
March 14th, 2010 at 12:44 am
Another thing that my friends who are YA authors have mentioned is the irritation of teachers who think it’s a grand idea to give an assignment to “write a letter to your favorite YA author so he/she will write you back!” And not even include SASE. Because not only will she drop everything to respond to you, she’ll use her own money to respond to the 600 letters a month that come in like clockwork every month, each expecting a reply. Funny how those letters dry up in June, July and August…
March 14th, 2010 at 12:45 am
I think it’s rude whenever people expect you to their work for them. I LOVE to help people – I have dedicated a lot of my life to helping people- but that is different from perfectly capable people being lazy and expecting me to pick up the slack.
March 14th, 2010 at 1:05 am
Thank you, Maureen, for sharing your advice with us fans. You are truly a gifted, funny, attractive (in a non-stalker, hoping I’m not coming across as creepy, I’m a married man sort of way), entertaining, insightful, and down to earth famous person. The two books that I have read of yours pulled me in, made me laugh, and reminded me that I like art deco. (That enough to get me on the liked list?) I’m wondering how much you have compared notes with your fellow authors on the weirdo contact front. Who has the oddest menagerie? What’s the strangest object you’ve been sent in a Box? Are you a bigger freak magnet than John Green? (Three question limit met: check).
Oh, and that librarian had a typo in her first sentence (or was that yours…?) so I figured the rest of her batty letter wasn’t worth reading and didn’t. Anyway, best of luck with your blue envelope thingies and keep the posts and tweets coming. Cheers!
March 14th, 2010 at 1:23 am
I must say I have never had the urge to email an author for homework. I should get on that. They might provide me with a better theme than what I come up with.
Although after a novel study I do want to email/write a letter to the author and be like “Did you really put that much thought into the word “blah” in chapter 34 on page number number of some edition?” Because really after practicing my sucking a bit I don’t put that much thought into my words. If it sounds good it goes there… some of them. I understand some are chosen for a purpose but sometimes I think English tears apart a novel too much.
Now if you read that I think my day was made brighter as I have a tendency to get carried away… which is probably why I don’t email authors. They’d get a novel long email. Plus I am a pessimist and never expect responses because I assume they have bigger and better things to do (like write the book I obviously want to read). I’d much prefer an author write a book that I want to read rather than read and respond to my email. I love books… but I find them hard to read if they are trapped in the author’s head.
March 14th, 2010 at 1:30 am
The whole “call of the pole” sentence in that story COMPLETELY CRACKED ME UP. I mean, SO FUNNY. I liked how all the stories in the book were interconnected.
Do you know why there is a lag time between the release of a book and when it hits library shelves? My public library system doesn’t have any copies of Scarlett Fever. Yet.
March 14th, 2010 at 1:33 am
Personally being a really book orientated girl from a young age i can’t believe that:
a.) That people wouldn’t want to read the book for themselves and draw their own conclusions (sometimes its hard to remember others don’t love reading as much as i)
b.)that a Librarian would of thrown out perfectly good books! If she thought they were innapropriate for teens, surely a better idea would of been to donate them to a local adult library?
The thing that strikes me about the “Menagerie of freaks” (Because honestly, we all stumble across them in one way or another), is that you just have to be vaguely amused. Although i often find myself sad consdering whatever circumstances led them to have such strict beliefs that they feel the need to enforce on themselves and others.
xx
March 14th, 2010 at 1:33 am
Do you receive mail from readers (regular mail, you know, written by hand) often?
I absolutely love being able to have access to writers nowdays, it’s such a joy to hear how the book is going, what the writer went through, and in your case, the craziness of the deadlines
That’s so sad about the librarian. I keep passing my copy of Let it Snow to all the people I know! They pass it around so much that I think I might need to buy a new one.
March 14th, 2010 at 1:34 am
FRENCHTHELLAMA!! A SIGNED COPY OF SCARLETT FEVER!!
I will definitely risk sounding like a creepy fan for a chance to win a prize like that! On a more relevant note, I can’t decide whether most of what you say is totally relevant to me or if it just seems that way because you’re totally my hero. I want to be a writer so those writer oriented videos you did with the vlogbrothers were amazingtastic! Whenever I get caught in a writing schlump I watch one and I feel better! So, thanks for that and for generally being awesome
March 14th, 2010 at 1:42 am
Oooh! GIVEAWAY! W00T! I just finished Scarlett Fever last night. LOVED IT! But, REALLY, mj? Did you HAVE to leave us hanging?
I like this post a lot, it actually makes me feel like it wouldn’t be weird to send a letter to an author. Out of curiosity, which do you prefer: email or actual, real-life, TANGIBLE mail? I know you say that email is easier to respond to, but which do you like to GET?
March 14th, 2010 at 1:53 am
I usually just read your posts, enjoy them, and chuckle quietly to myself, but this time I’m commenting.
In it to win it!
March 14th, 2010 at 2:12 am
I don’t understand why people feel inclined to throw away books even if they greatly dislike them. There are better ways to dispose of books like giving them to someone who actually likes it or perhaps trading it in for a book more suited for your wasteful actions. The homework questions don’t surprise me. Children and parents will forever look to the wrong places in order to complete homework assignments quickly as long as there is homework to complete. Although, just being able to contact authors that easily is a pretty awesome thing. It’s too bad people take advantage of it.
March 14th, 2010 at 2:17 am
I look forward to reading your tweets everyday. I would to have my copy of Suite Scarlett signed, but if you signed my Kindle screen I don’t think I’ll be able to see the pages anymore.
March 14th, 2010 at 2:31 am
While it saddens me that a librarian would act that way, I’m glad you can take it with good humor.
I haven’t yet written to any beloved author, but I did write to President Clinton telling him to make ANWR a National Monument. He didn’t listen, and I didn’t even get a form reply back from some assistant. My 10 year old self was disappointed, and I can’t even be comforted by the idea that at least he read it, since he, well, didn’t. But I’m glad to know that if I wrote you, you would read it.
March 14th, 2010 at 2:33 am
So the lesson here was to be a pole dancer, right? You’ll do my homework (if I still had it), but only if I’m a pole dancer. I just want to make sure I followed what you were saying.
March 14th, 2010 at 2:44 am
Wow. Most of the time when I read something from another person to an author, a celebrity, or just a general famous person that sounds like they’re completly unaware of most of the situation (or story in this case) I get very angry. Most of the time I can’t understand why someone would even say something like that, which is why I am really glad that you have put this into a different type of perspective for us readers. Thanks!
March 14th, 2010 at 2:48 am
It makes me so angry that the librarian just THREW AWAY perfectly good copies of those books. Argh. I would have loved one of those. Silly ignorant people! They ruin things for us all. =)
March 14th, 2010 at 3:05 am
The WORST thing about Weirdolibrarian is that she doesn’t seem to quite understand how fiction works.
She seems to think that Maureen was “trashing” the name Jubilee when in fact, it was not the author but the CHARACTER of Jubilee complaining about her own name. Cause, you know, in fiction the voice and feelings and opinions of the character are not necessarily those of the author. That’s kind of the point. Does it not make sense that a teenager would be a little miffed at her parents for naming her Jubilee? And after a piece of a Flobie Santa village no less! (not that Weirdolibrarian bothered to read that far)
It just makes me sad that Weirdolibrarian is the keeper of so many wonderful stories and she has so much power to enrich the lives of kids with those stories yet she just doesn’t get it.
I do trust, however, that Weirdolibrarian is the exception rather than the rule. I had rad librarians growing up (Thanks, Mrs. Pearl, Ms. Lacicka and Ms. Arnold!) I’m a lucky woman.
March 14th, 2010 at 3:06 am
One thing I’ve noticed about being in contact with authors is that you get to know their personalities. You get to know their sense of humor and what types of things they think about. Then, when you read their works you notice things you wouldn’t normally notice. You kind of get the “inside jokes” of the books, things you wouldn’t otherwise find funny, but do because you know the authors sense of humor. It makes reading a more personal experience. Before, you would have to guess what the author was thinking. Not that I claim to know what you’re thinking… but having contact with you makes it a little easier to see what you might be thinking. It’s pretty cool! Thanks for being so connected with your audience. It’s awesome!
March 14th, 2010 at 3:15 am
Thank you for a writing such an informational post.
March 14th, 2010 at 3:34 am
What an utter shame to throw away five books because of a joke. At least send them back to where you got them so another person – who might be able to appreciate the books – can buy them.
I think I might be one of those, but I have only learnt of your awesomeness through Sarah Rees Brennan so far. But I am determined to read your shiny books! If I can squeeze them into my To Read List somewhere between The Shipping News and The Demon’s Covenant.
March 14th, 2010 at 4:14 am
Ah Maureen. That passage of information was just asking for emails and questions. By tomorrow you shall have 20,000 emails of joking hatred. A mere 19,999 by me of course! XD
I was quite apalled by that librarian? Does she not respect books? Could she atleast given then to a charity shop? Recycled them? Given the to the poor? Not throw them in the wheelie bin! I was quite disheartened by her lack of Eco greeness. Her libray must have NO GREEN FLAGS! whereas our school as at least two!
Also if she was a proper librarian maybe she could have had a funny collage about it. I’m sure in five books there is enough paper to wrote “MAUREEN SUCKS!” “OR POLE DANCING IN THE LIBRARY IS PROHIBITED!”
But personally if it was me making the collage I would say “MAUREEN IS THE QUEEN OF #NOPANTS” or “I AM PROUDLY A GHOST IN THE JARS COUSIN” but to be honest. I would do that. As I LOVE your books and that would be violating my terms of destroying books for not liking Pole dancing.
And I would prefer not to pole dance. But if I read a book with pole dancing meantioned, I would wrote hate mail. Heck if it was well written mayb I might start pole dancing. Howeve this would end is disaster as my friend once had a pole in house and she got into hell as it fell over and made a hole in her wall.
Anyway. This is a letter not just a comment! But have good fun eating MY cakes and wearing #nopants – I just hope that when you encourage us in the UK to wear #nopants you know what you are suggesting! If not well I’m sure google will answer your question. But you come here a lot do I am ever more hopefully you know what you are talking about!
And if this tells me there is only 149 characters avalible I think I might just cry! Then scream and my little finger might just die. X
March 14th, 2010 at 4:16 am
Opies! And I really didn’t mean for my post to be that long. It was a mistake.
The hamsters were powering my fingers. Sorrry!
I hope it didn’t annoy though. As one of my pet hates is annoying people. And I also say sorry faaarrrrr too much!
I just can’t help it!!
I’m soorrrrryyy for the rant again! X
March 14th, 2010 at 6:48 am
Thank you for brightening my morning, which before I read this wasn’t any good at all!
Also, ‘If you are nice, I like you’ is pretty much how I live my life, so that’s awesome.
March 14th, 2010 at 7:59 am
I had a librarian at my grade school who wouldn’t let me check out The Neverending Story in 5th grade because it was “too old for me.” I had to get a permission slip signed to check out a book I had already read many times. Some school librarians can be sort of ignorant. Thankfully, not all of them are. I love my high school librarian.
March 14th, 2010 at 8:30 am
It’s horrible that a librarian would do that! AS a librarian, you would’ve thought that they would’ve had more respect for books.
Do you have any more Big Weirdo mail that you wouldn’t mind sharing?
March 14th, 2010 at 9:15 am
Good stuff. Hoping for the signed book.
March 14th, 2010 at 9:29 am
Maureen! I’m so sorry that lady threw away those books! You are definately one of my favorite people, and I want to thank you for entertaining your fans the way you do. I am fourteen and I totally believe that you are such a great rolemodel by your amazing writing style and how you always seem to make time for your fans. I am always so happy to read your blogs and your tweets! Your videos are hilarious, especially the ones you made when John was on paternity leave! This blog post was extremely informative, and I just want to thank you for giving us amazing books, your time, an making all of my days happy with your tweets:) You are amazing!!!!!!
March 14th, 2010 at 9:52 am
b-b-but FIVE BOOKS D:
March 14th, 2010 at 10:37 am
That’s the thing with us teenagers: jokes like that actually do go through our heads from time to time, and then adults don’t want us to read them when the stuff WE come up with is loads worse.
I loved Let It Snow, by the way. I thought it was wonderful and funny and generally awesome. Of course, with stories by 2 of my favorite YA authors, it was hard not to…
March 14th, 2010 at 10:50 am
Ohohoho…that librarian is a large reason why I am SERIOUSLY considering becoming a librarian. I must save the poor children from the crazies who don’t read!
What a nutter. Ho boy.
March 14th, 2010 at 11:24 am
Great advice. I hope you’re able to get through to at least a few of the crazies.
Happy Pi Day!
March 14th, 2010 at 11:38 am
it will never stop shocking and disappointing me that people treat books and their writers with such disrespect.
March 14th, 2010 at 12:03 pm
Okay so pretty much you’re my favorite author ever and this blog post kinda just reinforced that like a million times over. I love reading your twitter and I’m pretty pumped that I just got to hear your rant about crazy librarians. And I will never ask you to help me with my homework, because since I’m constantly reading during my classes I rarely do it until the night before when I’m frantically putting things together without time to email you psychotic questions. But yeah this basically made my day. Keep on blogging about crazy people, because I greatly appreciate it. With love.
March 14th, 2010 at 12:03 pm
I can’t believe someone would throw away 5 perfectly good books. I would gladly take them! And some parents really need to learn that authors have lives too. Happy Pi Day!
March 14th, 2010 at 12:13 pm
Someone just threw away five books? That’s so ridiculous.
March 14th, 2010 at 12:15 pm
I’m so glad that you’re blogging again Maureen! I always enjoy reading them.
It’s good to know that most authors will not get annoyed by letters because I had wanted to write to an author in the past but my mum wouldn’t let me – mainly because of this reason. So I might just do it anyway now haha.
March 14th, 2010 at 12:43 pm
I remember the first time I wrote to an author. Beverly Cleary after reading the Ramona books. I felt obligated to inform her that I had named my fish Ramona after her character. I was in third grade. She never wrote back…but I don’t hold it against her. I could never hold anything against Beverly Cleary.
Now, it’s a totally different business. I follow my favorite authors on twitter. I can comment on their blogs and Facebook pages. I like that authors no longer have to be elusive figures.
March 14th, 2010 at 12:45 pm
A lot of this advice is common sense. I wouldn’t impose a deadline on you to complete an assignment! That’s rude, and its my homework anyway, not yours.
March 14th, 2010 at 12:49 pm
As a librarian, I am horrified that that school librarian discarded those books. Part of me thinks she isn’t a “real” librarian, but calls herself one.
March 14th, 2010 at 12:52 pm
Excellent advice, Maureen. And when I say “advice” I mean, thanks for the lesson on manners. But still, excellent.
I usually wouldn’t ask something like this (I’m one of those people that aren’t keen on sharing things), but I’m at that point in my life where I have to figure out… you know, what I’m going to do with it. And to be honest, I have no idea. There are of course things that I’m good at, but how does one know which of these things should be more than a hobby?
Sorry to bother you with the rather personal, and frankly irrelevant (for you) question. This is just the only thing I’ve been capable of thinking about lately.
DFTBA
Tenley Nadine
March 14th, 2010 at 12:59 pm
i rarely write authors but when i do i try and make it interesting and/or short.
and i absolutely ahte that someone would throw out a perfectly good FIVE copies of a bood just because of half a paragraph and an asumption!
really that someonee would do that and then WRITE you about it is just apalling!
i personally love your books and how you write them and would never ask you for homework help (just another thing i find apalling:).
March 14th, 2010 at 1:13 pm
Absolutely brilliant! And the pole dancing joke is fantastic!
March 14th, 2010 at 1:18 pm
What’s your opinion on actual letters, though? To me, they’re just so much cooler than emails.
March 14th, 2010 at 1:23 pm
TROLOLOLOLO LOLOLOLO LELELELE HEHEHEHE HAHAHAHA TROLOLOLOLOLOOOOOOOOOO
Translated: Reading this entry makes me want to write you a letter in the hopes that I might actually get a reply. Because, you know. That would be AWESOME.
March 14th, 2010 at 1:39 pm
Great post, it’s really nice to hear what author’s think when they receive letters/e mails from readers!
March 14th, 2010 at 1:39 pm
I’m a big believer in sending handwritten notes to people you admire and respect. For me, many of them are authors.
Of the numerous letters I’ve written, several authors have responded with their own handwritten notes, not that I expected them to write me back. I did appreciate their notes, and it made me feel like the author cares about me and all of her readers. It also makes me more appreciative of their work and words when I offer a sincere compliment.
And really, who doesn’t like to hear nice things about themselves and their heartfelt work?
March 14th, 2010 at 2:08 pm
Sounds like that librarian needs to work on her self-censorship. There’s a great article on this here-> http://www.schoollibraryjournal.com/article/CA6632974.html?q=self+censorship
Also it sounds like she no idea how teenagers talk and has no sense of humor. I cannot believe she allowed books to go to waste over her own personal crap. Frankly, if she didn’t think the books was appropriate for middle schoolers she should have given them to the high school or public library. Why allow them to go to waste!?
Do you respond to letters like that? Or is it better to simply let it go?
March 14th, 2010 at 2:16 pm
It’s ridiculous that that Librarian would just throw away books. If they were so ‘adult’ couldn’t she have just given the copies to the public library? That would have at least made sense.
March 14th, 2010 at 2:16 pm
Hey Maureen!
I’d love to win a copy of Scarlett Fever!
I’m a huge fan on Twitter and I’d love to read one of your books, but my budget doesn’t allow for book purchases at the moment
xo
March 14th, 2010 at 2:17 pm
A librarian threw away five books? O_o I’m sorry but doesn’t that go against her very principles? …well one would think so….
Thanks for the informative blog. I am such a chicken when it comes to writing an author, so now I may attempt it and maybe I will succeed in not being creepy.
March 14th, 2010 at 2:17 pm
i cant deal with crazies on teh internetz. remember that xkcd thats like “i cant go to sleep! someone is WRONG on the internet!”? thats the feeling i get. like if i got a letter like that from that crazy librarian…i just wouldnt be able to resist writing back and i would have to be like READ MORE OF THE BOOK, ITS NOT DIRTY, LIAR!!! YOUR PANTS ARE NOW ON FIIIRREEEE!
ps. hey maureen my math homeworks due in two and a half minutes can you do it?
March 14th, 2010 at 2:18 pm
Awesome post. I’ve actually never written to a author before.
March 14th, 2010 at 2:19 pm
Wasting books makes me sad =(
I would probably have troubles writing a letter to an author… I get antsy enough sending emails out to friends, knowing that a response would be incoming soon.
March 14th, 2010 at 2:19 pm
your advices are good. you should write a blog post on what to do when your dad thinks he’s tickling you, but instead is just poking you hard and making you wish you were dead so you wouldn’t feel it.
March 14th, 2010 at 2:20 pm
Thanks for the post! I love getting responses from authors! Now I’m going to head off and send you a crazy letter…
;o)
March 14th, 2010 at 2:20 pm
Howdy!
This blog entry was REALLY helpful. By the way, I’m @nachonaco on twitter
March 14th, 2010 at 2:24 pm
As a library prefect I find that destroying books is akin to a mortal sin! And as for instructing people as to what they should or should not read… Well let’s just say I have serious issues with stopping people from reading anything they want to.
Also I was really interested to read about all these letters.I’m tempted to go off and write to a few of my favourite authors right now, using your guidelines of course!
March 14th, 2010 at 2:25 pm
It breaks my heart that someone would throw away a book, let alone five. I’m not exactly the most clever person but people take inspriation, love, hope, and knowledge from the most unlikely sources…even a book that mentions a stripper pole in passing!
March 14th, 2010 at 2:26 pm
To be fair, Maureen, you are the most connected with your fans out of any remotely famous person I know. How many well-known YA authors would hang out in London for hours with fans – not a signing, just for fun – and then go to a coffee shop with a small group of them and buy one of them a new drink when he drops his? (Perhaps you remember that incident? It was in the July gathering)
Not many, that’s for sure. So, ‘grats on that.
March 14th, 2010 at 2:27 pm
The story of that librarian is absolutely incredible. I find it amazing that literature faces such censorship when exposure to far worse things in other media outlets is abundant and unimpeded.
As for your email load, I had never considered the sheer volume of correspondence you must receive in any given day. It is easy to take for granted how simple it is to contact people these days. For your efforts to interact with us via Twitter and email on a regular basis in addition to all of your outstanding writing, I think we all owe you a big “thank you”!
March 14th, 2010 at 2:29 pm
I think anyone that throws away books at all is just wrong, especially if they don’t even both to read them at all first. When I was younger I was extremely offended by a book that was required reading. I was so appalled by it that I went to my teacher and asked for a replacement. She agreed, but neither one of us ever even slightly considered doing away with the books because one person got offended by them. I could understand not wanting to have, let’s say, Lolita on the shelves of a middle school, but not a book with a one sentence reference to pole dancing. That’s slightly ridiculous. I guess it’s just one of those things we have to get over on the road of life, like speed bumps. Or squirrels…
I still love you, Maureen.
March 14th, 2010 at 2:29 pm
When I was little I wrote to the author of this (http://bit.ly/9PhrxF) book. It was the typical letter of a fanatic 10-year-old: “You are amazing/I love you/please keep writing/did you actually meet Melissa Joan Hart,” full of love and adoration. She never wrote me back, but I hope she has a little file specifically for crazy children that she has kept my letter in.
March 14th, 2010 at 2:29 pm
The overly sensitive librarian has made me UNIMPRESSED! Especially as she threw out five books due to an innocent stripper joke… gr.
Thank you as always for your advice, and write more blogs soon! Can’t wait for BEDAugust
xxxxx
March 14th, 2010 at 2:30 pm
I swear that was our Youth Services librarian! My friend and I were looking for that book just a couple weeks ago and it’s not there! And that’s just the attitude she displays ALL THE TIME! (we try to go only when she’s not there, she’s bad for books)
March 14th, 2010 at 2:31 pm
Hilarious and informative, as always, MJ.
March 14th, 2010 at 2:32 pm
Hi Maureen! I love love love you and our work. Keep doing what you’re doing! PS I love you on Twitter, you make me laugh every single day. I’m @mtobinod
Thanks!
March 14th, 2010 at 2:33 pm
I wish I could read more of your “Big Weirdos” collection.
Happy Pi Day! xD
March 14th, 2010 at 2:34 pm
wow the things authors have to put up with, I have to take my hot off to you – I dont know if I could ever deal with letters like that librarians **takes hat off in awe**
March 14th, 2010 at 2:38 pm
This is a fantastic article. To be honest, I’d rather write to an author rather than emailing one. Letters make it seem more special if you get any back.
March 14th, 2010 at 2:40 pm
Where would you file a letter that is 1/2 nice and 1/2 I’m-a Crazy-I-Hate-You?
Happy Pi Day! Do any of your magical jars include Pi (or Pie) anywhere in them?
March 14th, 2010 at 2:40 pm
Throw 5 books away? If I was a librarian and I found content in books horrible or whatever, I would clearly just put them in the forbidden section of the library. And then of course I’d clearly put a charm on the entrance to the forbidden section in case some kid sneaks in at night in an invisibility cloak.
March 14th, 2010 at 2:43 pm
That school librarian must have more money in her budget than I do, because I would never buy five copies of a book without having read it first (unless a teacher asks for it for a class, in which case I assume that he/she has read it in order to teach it). And even though I have read, and loved, Let It Snow, I only have one copy in my school’s library. So anyone who doesn’t think it’s appropriate can definitely send their copies to my school. I sure hope that “discard” in her school district means the same that it does in mine: finding a new home for the books, NOT putting them in the trash unless they are falling apart and moldy. Working at a high school, I get some books that the middle school next door found inappropriate. More for us!
P. S. I do have more than five copies of Suite Scarlett because it was on our state’s reading list this year.
March 14th, 2010 at 2:50 pm
I would never ask you for help on homework. (I mean I’m not in high school anymore but I never asked writers fr help when I was.) I think that is the joy of reading. Finding out what everything means for yourself because everything is up for your own interpretations.
As for that librarian. I would never do a thing like that. I am getting me degree to be a librarian and I have seen lots of people like her. People who want to be librarians because they want to “keep the wrong things out of our kids schools” but I don’t think those people see the true point of being a librarian and educational freedom.
I shall keep your little tips in mind and pass them on to the people I know who wish to write you.
March 14th, 2010 at 2:53 pm
You’re amazing! You’re seriously the one of the only authors who has taken the time to write me back and I so appreciate that. The way that you’re so personal with fans is just awesome. If I ever become an author I want to be like you. And I told that lady with the NY Times the exact same thing.
P.S. I actually had to pick a book from the “YALSA 2009 Best Books for Young Adults” list as a part of my final assignment in my English 434 course, and I picked Suite Scarlett. Most.Exciting.Assignment.Ever.
March 14th, 2010 at 2:57 pm
You make my day! I am more of a dreamer of writing to authors than an actually writer, but here I am! Guidelines make me feel better!
I know a lot of librarians, and many of them are crazy – but in a really positive way. You got a fruit-pie one there. I guess that as you get more famous, you have to deal with more crazy pies. I hope your Pi-day pies were not crazy.
March 14th, 2010 at 3:00 pm
I would like to see more of the crazy people emails! They remind me that I am not quite so weird.
March 14th, 2010 at 3:08 pm
I can’t believe you read every email, Maureen. That’s quite amazing and shows your fans that you really DO care.
I’m an aspiring YA author, so I learned a lot reading this post and found it very interesting.
Plus, it made me laugh oodles of times.
I’m appalled that someone would throw away ANY book! That letter just makes me shake my head in awe and utter disgust…
Great blog post, Maureen, and I love following your wacky tweets! Take care.
Love,
Ava
March 14th, 2010 at 3:10 pm
This has been pretty educational for me, actually, thanks maureen
I don’t tend to email authors all that much anyway, though, but now I know what to do and not do when I do!
(I said ‘do’ too many times.)
March 14th, 2010 at 3:11 pm
Susan Orlean (who wrote The Orchid Thief, among other wonderful books and also has a large twitter presence) says that she can’t throw away books because they feel vaguely alive, like plants. I agree. She should have at least given them to Goodwill or sold them to a used books store so some poor college student like me could come along and snap them up for a dollar. (My most recent exciting Goodwill book find: an Advanced Reader’s Copy of Maureen’s “Key to the Golden Firebird” that some foolish reviewer let go. Now it’s mine, all mine, bwahaha!)
Also a few people have brought up the idea that she’s not a “real librarian.” This has me concerned that Weirdolibrarian is actually a pink-jacketed IMPOSTER who tied up the actual Radlibrarian and hid her in a janitor’s closet in the old photography wing that is never used any more since the school board cut funding for the arts. And no one can hear rad librarian scream!
Guys. We have to do something. We’ve gotta save Radlibrarian!
March 14th, 2010 at 3:16 pm
I have a problem, though. I want to write to this author, and I have no way to do it without sounding lecturey about how her worldview is wrong, even if I try to be polite and/or hilarious. Because, at the risk of sounding like your weirdo up there, I’m not a super-sensitive flower who landed on the wrong bookshelf and picked up a kinky hawt romance comedy by mistake.
I can deal with kinky hawt romance comedy, but they usually go like, this couple meets in funny circumstances and talks and go all “Oh hey, lets do this kinky stuff” and sometimes in the middle one of them says giraffe!, by which they mean Do Not Want, and the other goes “but do you giraffe at everything, or just that triple axe giration? and the other goes “oh no, just the last thingie there, but do go on with what you were doing before, kind sir!” Though I think in books they rarely giraffe.
But I’ve read like, 7 books of this author from cover to cover, and they all go like, “this person does not like me, so I’ll kidnap her/him, render them immobile and do the kinky stuff against their will, while they yell giraffe, and no, and please don’t, let me go home, till they give up and decide I was right all along and they’ll thank me for showing them how wrong they were.”
And, like, in the author worldview that might be love, but in the real world it’s a series of crimes at least a page long? And it really sucks when you go searching for a book to get hawt happy times and end up having flashbacks from when that happened to you and crying and calling your therapist again? Also it’s not funny at all.
March 14th, 2010 at 3:18 pm
What an appropriate blog to find after just finishing Scarlett Fever. Wanted to tell you thank you and I loved it.
March 14th, 2010 at 3:32 pm
I think Jubilee is a nice name and not at all stripper-y, as long as it is not combined with anything that is stripper-y like Strawberry Jubilee or Jubilee Surprise.
March 14th, 2010 at 3:36 pm
Dear MJ,
I printed off five copies of this blog post to read, read the first three lines and decided that you must not know what you’re talking about. So I threw them all away. FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILDREN.
March 14th, 2010 at 3:37 pm
I really hope that the crazy librarian reads this.
You should definitely show us more from your “Big Weirdos” collection. =)
March 14th, 2010 at 3:39 pm
This was so good, I loved reading every bit of it!
March 14th, 2010 at 3:42 pm
It’s good to know that most authors read every single letter or email if they can. That is all that I wish for when I write to an author. I don’t mind too much if someone doesn’t have time to reply. I just want them to read it because it makes me feel happy to know that somone so accomplished would take time out of of his or her day to read my lowly little letter (alliteration!). Anyway, I also wanted to say that I just bought Scarlett Fever and I thought it was fantastic. I cannot wait for the next book in the series. Thanks for the advice, Maureen! Maybe I will write to you someday. I prefer sending snail mail so I don’t expect a reply.
March 14th, 2010 at 3:45 pm
Are you imagining some kind of Hogwartsesque secret meeting place for authors? Because not only would that be awesome, but I’m pretty sure there are about a million people waiting for an invite.
March 14th, 2010 at 3:45 pm
This is SO true, Maureen!
March 14th, 2010 at 3:47 pm
I wanted to be a part of your personal managerie of freaks, but seeing as that requires such insane things like throwing perfectly good books away, this is no longer a goal of mine. I mean, think of all the children in Africa who don’t have books with subtle pole dancing jokes to read! Or the seventeen year old girl like me whose bookshelf is sadly missing Let It Snow, which would look great right inbetween my John Green and Maureen Johnson books. Thanks for the insightful reading!
March 14th, 2010 at 3:52 pm
It’s really impressive and respectable that you read all your messages and e-mails. I’m not surprised about the weirdos, but I’m honestly surprised about the questions from kids wanting homework answers. Go figure. lol.
March 14th, 2010 at 3:54 pm
*enters room, exaustedly collapses in poofy chair* At a friend’s suggestion, I googled this YA author Maureen Johnson and I’ve spent the last 6 months in the MJ archives, reading every single blog entry ever documented. While the books are foreign to me, I have grown quite familiar with facts strewn about through blogging escapades. In light of recent events, I think the best course of action is to assemble a crime-fighting team, akin to the Free-Alan-Rickman- Alliance to go DUMPSTER DIVING and rescue the poor forgotten soldiers. A book burned is knowledge lost, and a book buried is life being stifled and suffocated. Simply appalling.
March 14th, 2010 at 3:57 pm
You are Fuliarious MJ…
I can’t believe that you’re surprised that the librarian threw away five copies of that book. CLEARLY the word “pole dancer” is enough to toss away oppertunities for teenagers to choose to read – it isn’t like middle school students are EVER exposed to anything that bad.
And really – such a bad message – a teenager not completely loving the name that their all-knowing parents labeled them with at birth. Completely unheard of.
March 14th, 2010 at 4:00 pm
=]
i smiled
XD
=P
March 14th, 2010 at 4:07 pm
Who was the author that wrote you?
I looove your books
March 14th, 2010 at 4:09 pm
wow, what a waste throwing books away, I couldn’t even imagine…
It’s also mind boggling that people actually think an author actually has time to answer book report questions!
March 14th, 2010 at 4:12 pm
Oh, how I laughed when I heard about the librarian. I don’t usually get angry at people like that, they’re really not even worth the time or brain cells. I’m re-reading Let It Snow and honestly, the pole-dancing part of the story is SO insignificant after you read the whole story.
I never really send letters to authors, I find that the best way to support them is just by reading their books, buying their books, absorbing their literature? Plus then I don’t have to deal with the disappointment of the fact that authors don’t have the time to reply. I don’t know, it’s just my opinion.
March 14th, 2010 at 6:52 pm
Heh I’m really not surprised by the parent calling about the homework. I briefly taught at a small private school in a tiny town and actually had several conversations with parents where they got mad at me for grading their students homework without doing it for them first.
And oi that librarian. Who throws away books? That’s…blasphemous. And man I’d bet anything that that library has books with far worse than that in it if the librarian can’t be bothered to read past the first few pages before deciding about keeping the book. I can name a number that were in the said tiny private school (which was also Catholic) which were deemed perfectly fine for the kiddies to read.
Great post!
March 14th, 2010 at 6:55 pm
Great post, Thanks! I do have one question that I didn’t see answered. What is the best way to approach an established author to ask for a recommendation. (is that what it’s called?)
I would like to start querying my book, and as a first time writer have no credentials to help me along. I’ve heard that getting another well known author to read a chapter or two (or whole book if you are super lucky!) and say, “Hey, I liked it, check it out” can be really helpful. Plus I’m crazy enough to want some of the authors I love the most to critique it. (Yeah, I’m a dreamer, but that’s 80% of what writers are, right?)
So, to restate the question, what is the best way to approach an author, and what would a realistic expectation be?
March 14th, 2010 at 7:07 pm
I LOVE this post. I’d really like to link it on my contact page. I also have a weirdo file (I call it something else) and in a way, hearing bizarro manners-free people write you men letters too made me feel a lot better about bizarro manners-free people writing me mean letters. So, thank you for that. Like–I owe you a herd of goats thank you.
March 14th, 2010 at 7:07 pm
To Maureen – Great post; it’s nice to know that some YA authors read and enjoy their fanmail.
And that you aren’t totally offended and outraged by crazies who insult you and throw away your books.
To the world – Not all librarians are crazies! Really, I swear. Some of us actually READ books.
March 14th, 2010 at 7:14 pm
This was hilarious and right on! But do teachers really assign YA books for hw? That’s never happened to me! Huh.
So ya, awesome post. It’s good to know that authors at least read the emails
I don’t mind if they don’t respond (although I’ve never actually emailed an author unless I’ve reviewed their book)
March 14th, 2010 at 8:14 pm
I am so very tempted to write a crazy letter now so I can feel special and be part of the menagerie. ^^
March 14th, 2010 at 8:56 pm
Please do rant away. I don’t know how, with all the ways to get information nowadays, people still can’t figure out simple things, like what is ok and not ok to say to an author.
You just made me want to write a FAQ on how to use a bookstore. To give people information like, if I order [book I should have ordered a week ago] from your .com warehouse all the way across the country today (Sunday), do you think I can pick it up here are your store by opening tomorrow?
(The answer, BTW, is “No.”)
March 14th, 2010 at 9:06 pm
I am just an old fart who probably should not be reading YA fiction much less responding to a YA blog. Since I started reading and requesting books from passing strangers at 2, I see no reason to stop reading, regardless of age restriction, now. Although I am toooooooo old for Twitter, I enjoy your daily tweets, along with other writers that attract my senile mind. Your blogs bring to mind many other censorships or restrictions that have happened over the years. Huckleberry Finn still finds nay sayer. Stranger in a Strange Land is just “science fiction.” My mother hated the Beatles, then decided that the Yellow Submarine was “cute” if a little loud. And, gee, MJ, I think YOU are going to make a name in this strange new world. Well wishes. No response necessary, I am pass homework, unless someone wants to come and do my dishes, Take care. :0)
March 14th, 2010 at 10:04 pm
This is actually very helpful, cause I’ve written to one of my favorite authors once, I think. More often than not, I’ve written a full on letter but didn’t send it because I chickened out for some reason. This article was not only informative, but entertaining to read!
And I hate book banners too
March 14th, 2010 at 10:49 pm
“Personal menagerie of freaks” made me laugh so hard.
March 14th, 2010 at 10:55 pm
Dear Maureen,
I am sorry I told you on Twitter I’d pelt you with donuts if another Scarlett book was not forthcoming. I didn’t mean the jelly kind, nor would I have ever done it if you were wearing white.
Sincerely,
Slightly Off-Kilter Diamond
March 15th, 2010 at 9:37 am
I think a “Big Weirdos Thursday” should be implemented. It’s just selfish to keep those bits of awesome to your self.
March 15th, 2010 at 10:11 am
Extremely great post.
I once had a reader who emailed, “I lost my copy of your book. Can you please send me another one?”
Sometimes it’s hard to answer nicely, but we do try.
March 15th, 2010 at 10:29 am
Twenty plus years in classrooms and you have gotten emails from every weird librarian. every lazy kid, and yes, irresponsible and slightly crazy teachers who probably will not understand when authors do not respond to student letters. I love your response. If I were still teaching I would print it off and laminate it!
Let’s hope some sneaky kid grabbed those books out of the library trash, I would have at that age. Let’s also hope that librarian is reading so she can see her grammar corrected, love it LOL!
Thanks for the honesty, I imagine that is why you are so well liked!
March 15th, 2010 at 1:19 pm
[...] to 2 minutes. So worth the watch. Author Maureen Johnson’s fascinating (and painful) read on how (not) to write an author, complete with bizarre sample. (Lemme tell ya, that librarian is going to HATE my book when it [...]
March 15th, 2010 at 2:11 pm
I am a young adult librarian and I wish I could AFFORD five copies of a book. I’m lucky if I get one! Also, if I read a book I didn’t care for I wouldn’t pitch it. I’d keep it in the collection unless it truly was adult. At that point, I’d just move it to a different collection or sell it but it would never go in the trash.
March 17th, 2010 at 1:57 pm
What an EXCELLENT post. Enlightening…
March 31st, 2010 at 12:52 pm
Hmm… now I have to wonder how many of those categories I slipped into when I wrote my mile-long e-mail to you. I might have touched on all four. Yay me?
April 7th, 2010 at 1:58 am
Keep the good information comming, we need more authors like you!
July 13th, 2010 at 4:39 pm
Hi Maureen, I know this post is quite dated but I hope you’ll still appreciate a comment (and that you have comment notifications enabled! Somehow I don’t think this tiny little comment would make a good email and I feel bad about clogging your inbox any more than it is).
I just wanted to say how entertaining it was to find out that an author uses net-speak and is so in touch with her reader base. Your post wasn’t preachy, it was informative and it was funny.
It made me think of my childhood – when I was little, about 20 years ago there was an author whom I really loved, I won a contest to meet her by the time I was 12, and I will always treasure that meeting. Years later I sent that infamous handwritten letter to the publisher’s address, not knowing whether or not she would ever get it and remember me (I was about 18 by this point). To my surprise, she did, and sent me a couple of handwritten replies from her home address (most impressive, and I loved that she trusted me with it) before frankly saying she was too busy to keep up any kind of correspondence. I didn’t hold a grudge and I still think she is absolutely wonderful. And I’m sure most people think the same of you. With the amount of emails you get, it’s pretty amazing you find the time to reply to some of them – I know in your position I would have to reply to all or none or else I would feel bad.
I will follow your blog regularly now I’ve found it. On second thought, this comment *is* long enough to warrant an email. I may just send it now.
August 11th, 2010 at 3:25 am
I think I may have emailed you before for one of my classes. But yeah I ended up getting started on it and doing it all by myself and then you sent me a reply back which was very nice but the semester was over lol.
Sorry if that was rude!
Anybody know where I can find Maureen’s blog about what not to write in a query letter?
August 23rd, 2010 at 10:43 am
I will say I’ve e-mailed an author to ask questions for an assignment, with a deadline. HOWEVER. The interview was required, I had to do it myself. I also stated that I was contacting several of my favorites, and if they couldn’t do it, I understood. I was polite. AND I GOT TO TALK TO TAMORA PIERCE ON THE PHONE. Yes.
Also, you are hilarity incarnate.
December 12th, 2010 at 8:17 pm
omg! i <3 the book 13 little blue envelopes…. i cnt wait 4 the book the last blue envelope…. i think she gets baack the last little blue envelope from when it waz stolen…just gessing:P
December 12th, 2010 at 8:30 pm