If you haven’t read The Lost Symbol (or my guide), very little of the following will make sense. But this was my presentation from this evening’s “Secrets of the Lost Symbol” panel at the Tribeca Y.

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I come to you this evening to tell you why Dan Brown is right and everyone else is wrong, and why Robert Langdon is the hero we need.

I think Dan Brown was tired of Jason Bourne, James Bond, Jack Bauer, Indiana Jones, and John McClane and decided to make us what we really want . . . a nebbishy hero whose name does not contain a J. Someone who is not fearless, but deeply fearful. A reading of The Lost Symbol alone reveals his fears of: planes, elevators, running in loafers, spontaneous speaking, basements, long hallways, rats, stairs, fast driving, catwalks, and tiny conveyor belts. This is a man who wears turtlenecks because he is afraid of ties.

This is also a man who could not save his own ass with a two-handed ass-saving machine, so he is incapable of helping anyone else. (more…)

There’s a golden rule in writing, one so taken for granted that people often don’t even talk about it. It’s simple: never, ever, ever, ever, ever respond to a negative review. Ever. I mean, you can if you really want to. No one is going to ARREST you if you do. But you are going to look like a huge jerk if you do, and the entire internet will laugh at you. Why? Because people are entitled not to like your work. Yes, even stupid people, for stupid reasons. Yes, even people you respect for reasons that are actually pretty good. Even your mom. Anyone is entitled at any time not to like your work, and there is exactly nothing you can do about it.

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Last Christmas Eve, I tried to answer as many questions as I could in a massive BLOG MARATHON that lasted all night. This year, in the countdown to Christmas, I am going to try to do something LIKE that. Throughout the day, I will post ANSWERS to your questions on a rolling basis. But let’s get started!

Jo07 asks: what do you do when someone gets you a gift unexpectedly you’ve gotten them nothing?

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It has always been my dream to give a present to EVERYONE who reads this blog (or Twitter, or my mind). So I went to my publisher to see what I could do. Now, normally, I am not permitted in the building because of a minor misunderstanding we simply refer to as the “big fire incident,” but I managed to get in through the fire escape (which they had foolishly left open and functional, perhaps in the light of the “big fire incident”) and I said, “Hey, guys, some people are running short of cash this season. Can’t we do something to help out? Why don’t we give everyone a free book? That would promote Cheer. Free book, I say! Free book!”

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mighty_mudha asks: So, the boy and I are spending xmas with his family….first time meeting them….any advice? (I’m overly nervous…)

The holidays are a wonderful time to get to know the parents of a significant other—but the experience can go HORRIBLY WRONG if you are not careful. Thankfully, you asked me in time. (more…)

As you know, I am an expert on all things Cheer-related, so I am kicking off my annual Cheer Blogs, in which I help YOU solve your holiday conundrums. Recently, many of you have been asking for help buying gifts—specifically, gifts that don’t cost too much.

I know it’s bad to encourage commercialism and of course the MAIN thing you should be buying is BOOKS, preferably from your local independent bookseller. But okay. I know some people don’t want books, or you have to get something BESIDES books. So I have assembled this list of things you can buy for $5-30, most of which I own and can vouch for. (more…)

So, it’s December. Those of you who have been around these parts for a while know that I AM FAN OF THE HOLIDAYS. I can barely contain myself through the year, so eager am I to put up my tree, hang the shiny things, and let loose the hamsters of joy. Christmas carols, holiday stories, cookies, stockings, general merriment . . . I am there, 100%!

For the past three years, I have done a holiday card giveaway. For the first two, I made each card myself, until I reduced myself to such a broken condition that I had to get the cards printed. Then last year, I got double or triple the requests. I spent six weeks singing and addressing the cards—working right through Christmas Eve—until I was once again a broken (but CHEERFUL!) wreck.

This year, I am faced with a big deadline, and I have finally admitted to myself that the card thing has gotten away from me. I do not have the time or the muscle power in my freakishly small hands to write out the hundreds of cards again.

“Fie!” I said, when I realized this. “How will I spread CHEER?” (more…)