!!DOGS IN FUR PADDED KENNELS!!! CICADA!!!! HELLO I WILL TRY TO GET YOUR ATTENTION!! FIRE!! SATURN'S Rings!!! I HAVE A GUY FRIEND (IM A GIRL) AND IVE BEEN HIDING MY FEELINGS FOR HIM FOR MORE THAN TWO YEARS NOW ITS AGONIZING. WERE KINDA BEST FRIENDS WE HANG OUT JUST THE TWO OF US WATCH MOVIES EAT AND HE GIVES ME REALLY NICE MERCH AND FOOD AND HE GETS WEIRD WHEN I TALK ABOUT OTHER GUYS BUT I DONT KNOW DO I TELL HIM I LIKE HIM BUT UGH OUR FRIENDSHIP (!?!) HIGH SCHOOL IS ENDING AHH
Thank you for your email. Auntie MJ was very excited by it. There are so many things about the style of it she approves of. First, TWO EXCLAMATION POINTS!! As an OPENER. Followed by THREE. This is revolutionary and Auntie MJ is stealing it. Combined with the caps, I think that could make any sentence exciting. Let's try it.
!!WE NEED MORE STAPLES!!!
!!LET'S DISCUSS THE FEEDING HABITS OF HERMIT CRABS!!!
!!CONVERSELY, IF WE EXAMINE THE ROLE OF THE PROTAGONIST IN TERMS OF HIS RELATIONSHIP TO THE TREE HE BELIEVES IS HIS LONG LOST AUNT, WE SEE THAT THE MAN SYMBOLIZES AMERICA AND THE TREE SYMBOLIZES A LOST AMERICA HE IS SEARCHING FOR, SPECIFICALLY THE ONE REPRESENTED IN HIS PERSONAL INTERPRETATION OF THE FEDERALIST PAPERS, WHICH, IRONICALLY, HE HAS NEVER READ!!!
But you didn't stop there. You not only provided visual style, you provided things I could get behind, like cicada and fire. You have absorbed the first and most important rule of writing: !!KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE!!! Auntie MJ salutes you.
You were so successful at getting my attention that I forgot that I was here to answer a question. I was dazzled. I was amazed. I was mesmerized.
I simply could not think, such was the immediate appeal of everything you had done.
However, I had to snap out of it. Auntie MJ has a job to do. She must provide advice. But that meant I had to break the spell you had placed on me, and I did that by employing a trick I learned from one of my grad school professors--when he finished a book and it was time for the final edit, he read the whole book BACKWARDS. He started at the last sentence and went on like that, back and back and back to see if the effect of one sentence was matched by the cause in the one preceding it. This also works when reading something you are having trouble understanding for whatever reason.
So I went to the end, and suddenly I knew what was going on:
HIGH SCHOOL IS ENDING AHH
Auntie MJ was back on the bus. I know there is more here, and we will get to it, but Auntie MJ will soon make her case that all of the other parts of what you define as your problem are actually all about THIS. Something is ENDING. What will I do when it ENDS.
But let's continue backwards.
WERE KINDA BEST FRIENDS WE HANG OUT JUST THE TWO OF US WATCH MOVIES EAT AND HE GIVES ME REALLY NICE MERCH AND FOOD AND HE GETS WEIRD WHEN I TALK ABOUT OTHER GUYS BUT I DONT KNOW DO I TELL HIM I LIKE HIM BUT UGH OUR FRIENDSHIP (!?!)
This is a powerful sentence, and a long one. It needs unpacking. We'll do that too. But we need just one more sentence:
I HAVE A GUY FRIEND (IM A GIRL) AND IVE BEEN HIDING MY FEELINGS FOR HIM FOR MORE THAN TWO YEARS NOW ITS AGONIZING.
Okay. We now have the problem in three stages, which I will now summarize:
1. You like someone and have liked this someone for two years and holding in this truth is, in your words, agonizing.
2. This person certainly presents as someone who likes you as well. You engage in activities such as the eating of food and the watching of motion picture entertainment. He gives you gifts, such as NICE MERCH and food items. This person does not respond favorably when you speak of others who might be competition in a romantic way.
3. And then, the big one: high school is ending. The way you relate to this person, the time you may spend together, may change. Change is coming.
In fact, let Auntie MJ reassure you on one thing: change is actually already here. Change is always with us. We surf a wave of change all the time. Change is nothing to fear. It moves everything along in the most natural manner.
I think what you are asking in this is: is this my last chance? One or both of us may move and go to different places. (Or maybe you won't, but it's a possibility.) You face the problem faced by the narrator of the poem The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, who cries, "Should I, after tea and cakes and ices/Have the strength to force the moment to its crisis?" There's been food! There's been merch! And what, after all that--what if you ask and you hear, as the narrator in this poem FEARS he will hear, “That is not what I meant at all; That is not it, at all.”
So he does nothing and he just kind of wanders around and looks at the fog and worries about eating peaches and mermaids laughing at him.
THIS DOES NOT HAVE TO BE YOU.
You are approaching something you see as the CRISIS! The change! The end! And things will certainly go on after that--not to worry, the world does not crack open when you graduate from high school and reveal itself to be a hot, steaming egg full of baby dragons*.
Unlikely graduation scenario.
The fact is, you want to do this. Your exubarence suggests this. You say it's causing you agony not to. The other fact is: there is a lot of evidence, based on what you've said, that your friend may be going through the same thing. We cannot know how things will go, but we can make our moves knowing what we know now and doing what we feel is good, and right, and loving, and true. And I think if it is actually causing you agony not to say how you feel--and your friend seems kind--maybe you should do it. Say it.
Absorb the possibility that he may say, "That is not what I meant." And if he does, again, the world will not open and the baby dragons will not emerge and eat us all** People go through this ALL THE TIME. Someone has to ask the question. That how things start.
Now, in a movie they'd do something BIG AND ROMANTIC, and you can certainly do that if you want--but I think something more effective would be to simply talk about it at a time when you're both just relaxing and sitting together. Just say how you feel and ask how he feels about it--and make it clear that you value above all else his friendship. It could go wrong. It could go right. But truly, we only go forward when we act--and you seem READY TO ACT. No one starts a note with two exclamation points who is not READY TO ACT.
Or don't. Do what feels right for you. But in Auntie MJ's opinion, it's worth a shot. Let me know how it goes. No matter what happens, it will be okay. Seriously. Do not worry about the dragons, etc.***
*** they are not worth worrying about because they eat you before you really get a chance to do anything