ME: *is cooking* *sets dish of cool sauce to side of stove*
ME: *accidentally bumps bowl* *some sauce splashes to floor, where DOG is sleeping*
ZELDA: *sits up quickly* *ears up*
ME: Crap. *gets paper towel to clean dog*
ZELDA: *sniffs self* What…what IS this? Am I dreaming?
ME: Let me clean you girl.
ZELDA: *licks self* I’m … I’m … COVERED IN FLAVOR.
ME: Girl, let me …
ZELDA: *coils up on to self, furious licking* FLAVOR. I AM COVERED IN FLAVOR. Are YOU covered in flavor? Lick yourself and see!
ME: Zelda, let me clean you.
ZELDA: I HAVE DREAMED OF THIS DAY. I DREAMED OF THE DAY I WOULD WAKE COVERED IN FLAVOR AND THE DAY HAS COME! IT HAS COME!
ME: *tries to clean dog*
ZELDA: *runs into living room* I MUST TELL THE OTHERS!
ZELDA: *runs* *licks* *runs*
OSCAR: What’s going on?
ME: Sauce … dog …
ME: I got sauce on the dog! Catch her!
OSCAR: How did you get SAUCE on the dog?
ME: I just … did. Help me.
OSCAR: But …
ME: Look. I got SAUCE on the dog, okay? Remember that time I went away on tour for a few days and I came home and there was that spot on her face and you said it was jam you accidentally got on her? And it was STILL THERE days later?
OSCAR: It’s hard to get jam off a dog.
ZELDA: *furious licking*
ZELDA: I TASTE BETTER THAN THE ELEVATOR FLOOR. I DID NOT KNOW SUCH THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.
ME: You get jam off the dog with water and a towel.
OSCAR: It was marmalade. It was very sticky.
ME: How did you her marmalade on the dog, anyway?
OSCAR: It was a … toast thing.
ZELDA: *runs in circles*
ME: What KIND of a toast thing?
OSCAR: Aren’t you supposed to be getting sauce off the dog?
ME: That ship has sailed.
ZELDA: I AM BECOME FOOD. I … AM … BECOME … FOOOOOOOD.