I AWOKE COVERED IN FLAVOR...

ME: *is cooking* *sets dish of cool sauce to side of stove* 

ME: *accidentally bumps bowl* *some sauce splashes to floor, where DOG is sleeping* 

ZELDA: *sits up quickly* *ears up*

ME: Crap. *gets paper towel to clean dog*

ZELDA: *sniffs self* What…what IS this? Am I dreaming?

ME: Let me clean you girl.

ZELDA: *licks self* I’m … I’m … COVERED IN FLAVOR.

ME: Girl, let me …

ZELDA: *coils up on to self, furious licking* FLAVOR. I AM COVERED IN FLAVOR. Are YOU covered in flavor? Lick yourself and see!

ME: Zelda, let me clean you.

ZELDA: I HAVE DREAMED OF THIS DAY. I DREAMED OF THE DAY I WOULD WAKE COVERED IN FLAVOR AND THE DAY HAS COME! IT HAS COME!

ME: *tries to clean dog*

ZELDA: *runs into living room* I MUST TELL THE OTHERS!

ME: *chases*

ZELDA: *runs* *licks* *runs*

OSCAR: What’s going on?

ME: Sauce … dog …

OSCAR: What?

ME: I got sauce on the dog! Catch her!

OSCAR: How did you get SAUCE on the dog?

ME: I just … did. Help me.

OSCAR: But …

ME: Look. I got SAUCE on the dog, okay? Remember that time I went away on tour for a few days and I came home and there was that spot on her face and you said it was jam you accidentally got on her? And it was STILL THERE days later?

OSCAR: It’s hard to get jam off a dog.

ZELDA: *furious licking*

ZELDA: I TASTE BETTER THAN THE ELEVATOR FLOOR. I DID NOT KNOW SUCH THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.

ME: You get jam off the dog with water and a towel.

OSCAR: It was marmalade. It was very sticky.

ME: How did you her marmalade on the dog, anyway?

OSCAR: It was a … toast thing.

ZELDA: *runs in circles* 

ME: What KIND of a toast thing?

OSCAR: Aren’t you supposed to be getting sauce off the dog?

ME: That ship has sailed.

ZELDA: I AM BECOME FOOD. I … AM … BECOME … FOOOOOOOD.